I want chicken, I want liver, Meow mix meow mix, please deliver.
=o.O=
So! It's about 6:30 (started typing this at 6:30 anyways.) I'm sitting here at my desk after laying restless in my bed for about 3 1/2 hours. Aaron is asleep in my bedroom floor. My cat is making funny noises again, thus resulting in me not sleeping. ..He's so creepy sometimes. o.O When the sun rises, he meows and makes odd vibrating sounds out the window like he's trying to charm the birds or something. Anyhow..
Still recouperating from Animazement. This year went alot better than last year, however.. Still alot of bad stuff happened. Recently I found out even ..*more* stuff about Animazement that had happened, and I really, could have gone without knowing.. It hurts. It's funny how.. the lust of a friend can completely over-ride their loyalty to you. Ah well.. shit happens, and people do things that they regret sooner or later.
I don't think I'm going to go back to my Computer Repair job. I really just don't feel like it's right for me now. I'd much rather wait until this September when I become 18, and start my Blacksmithing Career. I'd have a much happier life waiting, then doing that.. Rather than work a job that makes me absolutely spiteful and make a little bit of money. *nods*
I've sort of enveloped myself again mentally, like I used to when I got hurt.. Didn't talk to anyone and would always deny anyone's feelings toward me. I'm kind of turning into what I was that first week back on my Birthday last year. Completely oblivious to peoples feelings.. However, this time it feels different. I feel as if my soul is reaching out for something, and I just, don't, know, what. It's so annoying, because I want to fix it. But I can't fix the problem if I have no clue what it is. I know that I'm lonely, but I don't feel that's the problem. That's a problem I'd like to fix as well, but the situation I'm in doesn't help that either I suppose. Most everyone that's attracted to me lives far away. I've had so many chances in life to be happy, but I've screwed them all up myself. I suppose this is what you call Karma.
On other notes.. I feel my relationship with Aaron is slipping away slowly.. He's not the little brother I used to remember. He's changed alot, and not for the good for the most part. He's infatuated with Lindi to a point where anytime he's not with her, he's not himself anymore. He's gained this very stimulated angry aggression in his mind that I can sense.. Something is twisted in his mind, and I can't just pick it out. I don't know whats wrong, but I can sense it. I'm afraid someday I'm going to confront this issue and ask him why he's changed, or whats wrong and he'll blow up on me.. and then we wont be friends anymore. But I'm not sure that's even possible. I know we're friends, very close ones at that. But not like we used to be..
I got to talk to Tiff.. about ..stuff. I still realize those feelings I have, and I really can't change them no matter who I'm with. Sure, I might be moderately satisfied inside, but its never the same. And my guess is it never will be. I'm debating on wether I should ever try to date someone again, knowing that I still feel like this. I think for the sake of not hurting anyone, I'll probably just stay single until.. who knows. Maybe someday someone will come swoop me off my feet again like she did. Probably not, but I'll wait. I'll wait for that person, alone.. and cold.. If I'm still emotionally warm. I might be a stone by that time, incapable of loving, or recieving. Incapable of feeling what makes us human. Well.. That's enough, I'm depressing myself. Have a good day everyone..
Everyone take this, and tell me your results. I would say this about right for me now.. as of a couple months ago, I would have gotten a completely different result. People change..
Your Expression Number is 6You have an outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance.
You are helpful and inclined to comfort those in need.
You have many artistic and creative talents, but you only use them to better others.
You are loving, friendly, and appreciative of others.
You have a depth of understanding that produces much kindness and generosity.
Openness and honesty are apparent in your approach to all relationships.
Sometimes, you can be too demanding of yourself.
At times, you tend to sacrifice yourself for the welfare of others.
At other times, you have trouble distinguishing between helping and interfering.
What's Your Expression Number?
For anyone wanting to sweep me off my feet. :P Lol..
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
I encourage anyone who reads this to take this and comment with the results. ^^
So! It's about 6:30 (started typing this at 6:30 anyways.) I'm sitting here at my desk after laying restless in my bed for about 3 1/2 hours. Aaron is asleep in my bedroom floor. My cat is making funny noises again, thus resulting in me not sleeping. ..He's so creepy sometimes. o.O When the sun rises, he meows and makes odd vibrating sounds out the window like he's trying to charm the birds or something. Anyhow..
Still recouperating from Animazement. This year went alot better than last year, however.. Still alot of bad stuff happened. Recently I found out even ..*more* stuff about Animazement that had happened, and I really, could have gone without knowing.. It hurts. It's funny how.. the lust of a friend can completely over-ride their loyalty to you. Ah well.. shit happens, and people do things that they regret sooner or later.
I don't think I'm going to go back to my Computer Repair job. I really just don't feel like it's right for me now. I'd much rather wait until this September when I become 18, and start my Blacksmithing Career. I'd have a much happier life waiting, then doing that.. Rather than work a job that makes me absolutely spiteful and make a little bit of money. *nods*
I've sort of enveloped myself again mentally, like I used to when I got hurt.. Didn't talk to anyone and would always deny anyone's feelings toward me. I'm kind of turning into what I was that first week back on my Birthday last year. Completely oblivious to peoples feelings.. However, this time it feels different. I feel as if my soul is reaching out for something, and I just, don't, know, what. It's so annoying, because I want to fix it. But I can't fix the problem if I have no clue what it is. I know that I'm lonely, but I don't feel that's the problem. That's a problem I'd like to fix as well, but the situation I'm in doesn't help that either I suppose. Most everyone that's attracted to me lives far away. I've had so many chances in life to be happy, but I've screwed them all up myself. I suppose this is what you call Karma.
On other notes.. I feel my relationship with Aaron is slipping away slowly.. He's not the little brother I used to remember. He's changed alot, and not for the good for the most part. He's infatuated with Lindi to a point where anytime he's not with her, he's not himself anymore. He's gained this very stimulated angry aggression in his mind that I can sense.. Something is twisted in his mind, and I can't just pick it out. I don't know whats wrong, but I can sense it. I'm afraid someday I'm going to confront this issue and ask him why he's changed, or whats wrong and he'll blow up on me.. and then we wont be friends anymore. But I'm not sure that's even possible. I know we're friends, very close ones at that. But not like we used to be..
I got to talk to Tiff.. about ..stuff. I still realize those feelings I have, and I really can't change them no matter who I'm with. Sure, I might be moderately satisfied inside, but its never the same. And my guess is it never will be. I'm debating on wether I should ever try to date someone again, knowing that I still feel like this. I think for the sake of not hurting anyone, I'll probably just stay single until.. who knows. Maybe someday someone will come swoop me off my feet again like she did. Probably not, but I'll wait. I'll wait for that person, alone.. and cold.. If I'm still emotionally warm. I might be a stone by that time, incapable of loving, or recieving. Incapable of feeling what makes us human. Well.. That's enough, I'm depressing myself. Have a good day everyone..
Everyone take this, and tell me your results. I would say this about right for me now.. as of a couple months ago, I would have gotten a completely different result. People change..
Your Expression Number is 6You have an outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance.
You are helpful and inclined to comfort those in need.
You have many artistic and creative talents, but you only use them to better others.
You are loving, friendly, and appreciative of others.
You have a depth of understanding that produces much kindness and generosity.
Openness and honesty are apparent in your approach to all relationships.
Sometimes, you can be too demanding of yourself.
At times, you tend to sacrifice yourself for the welfare of others.
At other times, you have trouble distinguishing between helping and interfering.
What's Your Expression Number?
For anyone wanting to sweep me off my feet. :P Lol..
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
I encourage anyone who reads this to take this and comment with the results. ^^