this is the end

[iktomi]

I feel like throwing up. I don't see any more reason for living. you know things are bad when you walk just a little slower through the crosswalk half hoping a semi driver on a cell phone going 80 mph runs the stop light and smears your ugly ass across the crosswalk.
in the last two weeks I have:
1. gained 10 pounds
2. caused endless problems for Chris O
3. got pissed off at my parents
4. apparently caused Andrew endless grief by merely existing...
5. failed miserably trying to get a job
6. failed miserably in trying to do anything for myself, including using my own money to buy myself stuff, drive myself around, etc
7. broke two glass aquariums at work, unintentionally, but because of my gimp leg and lack of balance
8. failed in keeping or gaining any substantial amount of income

not to mention it was my own fault I broke my leg. sure, Chris O helped but we all know it wasn't his fault. I did this to myself. it is all my fault.

I feel like throwing up. oh god. what have I done to my life? what have I done for myself? what problems have I ever solved? useless. useless. useless.
apparently, there have been so many problems that I was unaware of. unable to fix. there is nothing I hate more than myself right now.
I am such a bitch.
someone just shoot me.