(no subject)
sometimes i just feel like i cant do this anymore. that i cant keep thinking these thoughts and i cant keep doing these things im doing. and then i get scared that im wasting all this time. time that ill never get back. these moments will never come around again. and that makes me want to cry. but crying makes anyone feel vulnerable. but its nice to know that its only my thoughts that make me cry and its not something inflicted by anyone else. and sometimes i just want to breathe. and sometimes i want to think of nothing other than it will be okay. and sometimes i want to hold on. and sometimes i want to let go. and sometimes when i say i want to let go i really mean that i just want to be strong enough to hold on but i dont want anyone to know that. and other times when i say i want to let go i just want to forget. and i want to know that everything happens for a reason is just a lie. sometimes i just dont want to believe in anything. but most of the time there is nothing to believe in. ijustwantyou. but i really mean i need you. i cant think of anything but that these moments just keep on passing and taking us away. we just spend our lives waiting and wanting more. and im not okay with that. im not sure how i feel about being awake and thinking all of these things that i shouldnt be thinking. and making these thoughts that i shouldnt be making. where do they come from? what do they mean and why do they have to mean anything in the first place? no one can read this and know what im talking about. maybe you'll just think i need someone to talk to. but i dont. and maybe you'll think im scared and i'll tell you that you're right. maybe you'll think im dying and i'll tell you i wish i was. and then ill tell you to never believe me when i say that. maybe you should just leave me alone. do people ever think that its okay to be alone? that its not pitiful and its not depressing but its amazing. because you are never more yourself than when you are all alone. i just want to go somwhere beautiful. im sure its beautiful where you are. and im not sure where that is but im sure you like it. oh yeah. and my headphones. they saved my life.
and then
i feel like things are so peaceful sometimes. like right now. i forget to remember sometimes, and when i realize that im forgetting...it makes me infinitely happy.
"how i wish i could hug everyone and tell them its ok. its ok to be scared and angry and hurt and selfish. its part of being human."