doritos and chocolate pretzels.
They lied about the way
Things were gonna be
They lied about the things
They wanted from me
They lied about the reasons
They wanted me at all
And now
I sit around and lie to myself
About how great things were way back when
I keep forgetting why I was so willing to believe those lies
-smoking popes
lets just say that last night i took another long drive to LBI after meeting this guy who just sat there and talked about how some kid I know's sister is 'too pretty' for him, as if i'm a plain attainable piece of shit.i mean, i didnt want him anyways, he reminded me of my cousin,and i kept comparing him to you know who but jesus.so i stop at wawa on my way back and go to walk in because i was craving a sandwhich at 3 am, and the bitch is like 'excuse me miss we're not open for customers we're waxing the floor.' my luck. so then i go to another wawa and i figured, eh.. i'm a quarter of my way to the beach anyways, why not just go.i wound up just getting a couple red bulls,doritos,and chocolate covered pretzels.so i blared all my bayside and smoking popes and i kept on playing 'dont call me peanut' for the bridge.and i drove at like 10 mph and just sang at the top of my lungs and soaked in the lights and everything.but i couldnt cry cause i didnt deserve to.i find myself driving to the beach more and more and it's later in the night every time.sometimes i think that if i think hard enough then i'll stop my car and have the guts to just jump off the bridge.or in the ocean.just let waves take me away to the oblivion.i think i'd be happier just not feeling then feeling like this everyday.i'm morbid, and i dont care.sometimes the only thing i pray for when i go to sleep is that i just won't wake up.i really do.not that anyone would notice.and that's okay.truly.my whole life i've gone unnoticed.i'll go unnoticed if im lucky enough to die.i hope noone really reads this.i look like a pathetic nutcase.and in reality, i guess i am.
the accident guy hasnt called me back and i am BEYOND terrified.i was thinking about friendship and the lack i have thereof with most people.i just dont feel like doing anything.pretty much ever.and i used to always wanna do something.it was part of why people liked me.always up for anything.id get a call and be there as soon as i could.and now.. i have no energy for anything.it hurts all over and the other thing i feel comfort in is those train tracks by my house when i pass them.you can faintly hear the whistle from my bedroom if you listen hard enough.sometimes i dont think people are ever listening hard enough to anything or anyone.
Things were gonna be
They lied about the things
They wanted from me
They lied about the reasons
They wanted me at all
And now
I sit around and lie to myself
About how great things were way back when
I keep forgetting why I was so willing to believe those lies
-smoking popes
lets just say that last night i took another long drive to LBI after meeting this guy who just sat there and talked about how some kid I know's sister is 'too pretty' for him, as if i'm a plain attainable piece of shit.i mean, i didnt want him anyways, he reminded me of my cousin,and i kept comparing him to you know who but jesus.so i stop at wawa on my way back and go to walk in because i was craving a sandwhich at 3 am, and the bitch is like 'excuse me miss we're not open for customers we're waxing the floor.' my luck. so then i go to another wawa and i figured, eh.. i'm a quarter of my way to the beach anyways, why not just go.i wound up just getting a couple red bulls,doritos,and chocolate covered pretzels.so i blared all my bayside and smoking popes and i kept on playing 'dont call me peanut' for the bridge.and i drove at like 10 mph and just sang at the top of my lungs and soaked in the lights and everything.but i couldnt cry cause i didnt deserve to.i find myself driving to the beach more and more and it's later in the night every time.sometimes i think that if i think hard enough then i'll stop my car and have the guts to just jump off the bridge.or in the ocean.just let waves take me away to the oblivion.i think i'd be happier just not feeling then feeling like this everyday.i'm morbid, and i dont care.sometimes the only thing i pray for when i go to sleep is that i just won't wake up.i really do.not that anyone would notice.and that's okay.truly.my whole life i've gone unnoticed.i'll go unnoticed if im lucky enough to die.i hope noone really reads this.i look like a pathetic nutcase.and in reality, i guess i am.
the accident guy hasnt called me back and i am BEYOND terrified.i was thinking about friendship and the lack i have thereof with most people.i just dont feel like doing anything.pretty much ever.and i used to always wanna do something.it was part of why people liked me.always up for anything.id get a call and be there as soon as i could.and now.. i have no energy for anything.it hurts all over and the other thing i feel comfort in is those train tracks by my house when i pass them.you can faintly hear the whistle from my bedroom if you listen hard enough.sometimes i dont think people are ever listening hard enough to anything or anyone.