(no subject)
In talking with my Mom and Aunt this weekend it came to light that my invitation to go to Hawaii with them was conditional. I would have to lose weight in order to be allowed to go and visit while they are in Maui.
Furthering the conversation i tole them that I feel hurt and very worthless when they say things like that to me because it seems like my only value to them is as a thin person.
I was told that this is not what they mean by saying that, that they are worried about my health. I assured them my health is just fine. I need to remember to ask them to simply say they are worried about my health and not couch things in terms of bribery and backhanded compliments. i also need to remember to ask them if that is the ONLY thing they are worried about. I don't think it is...I think that they are worried I will end up alone with no partner in life. i am guessing here but it is an educated guess from things my Mom and Dad have said to me recently.
That is a normal thing for parents to worry about but they need to simply state that. I can grok them wanting me to be happy and healthy - i don't grok them telling me I am beautiful but really just could be so much MORE if I were thin...or that I am too stupid to run my own life and will never be okay on mty own.
I have also been being very honest with them. I dont tell them i am exercising when i am not or tell them I am doing a diet when i am not. This has led to an upswing of these crazy comments from them.
At this point, I am giving serious thought to not going to Hawaii at all. I want to spend time with them and have good memories with them. I am just not sure I can put up with this behavior any longer. I could spend vacation time with people who don't stress me out this much.
Furthering the conversation i tole them that I feel hurt and very worthless when they say things like that to me because it seems like my only value to them is as a thin person.
I was told that this is not what they mean by saying that, that they are worried about my health. I assured them my health is just fine. I need to remember to ask them to simply say they are worried about my health and not couch things in terms of bribery and backhanded compliments. i also need to remember to ask them if that is the ONLY thing they are worried about. I don't think it is...I think that they are worried I will end up alone with no partner in life. i am guessing here but it is an educated guess from things my Mom and Dad have said to me recently.
That is a normal thing for parents to worry about but they need to simply state that. I can grok them wanting me to be happy and healthy - i don't grok them telling me I am beautiful but really just could be so much MORE if I were thin...or that I am too stupid to run my own life and will never be okay on mty own.
I have also been being very honest with them. I dont tell them i am exercising when i am not or tell them I am doing a diet when i am not. This has led to an upswing of these crazy comments from them.
At this point, I am giving serious thought to not going to Hawaii at all. I want to spend time with them and have good memories with them. I am just not sure I can put up with this behavior any longer. I could spend vacation time with people who don't stress me out this much.