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so today i was feeling kind of crappy for most of the day, but i still managed to make it to my first two classes. in my second class we finished out discussion of our reading a little early, so my professor brought the discussion to english majors. the class is mostly english majors, so she was asking why people chose that and how they defended themselves when they were asked the inevitable question "and what are you going to do with that?". so as im sitting there listening to people go on about why they're an english major and how much they love it and what it means to them im just amazed. everyone just sounds so passionate. i can barely work up a slight interest in anything. it just isn't fair at all. i don't understand why there isn't something that makes me feel that way. this one girl went on about her love of it and how important it is to the world. she sounded so sincere and you could hear the excitement in her voice as she continued on about it. the part of it she was speaking of wasn't something i'd normally find interest in, but from her tone you could just feel how much it meant to her and her life and i couldn't ignore it even though i tried to look out the window to watch people walk by. im just so insanely jealous of her. and not just her, everyone who spoke had so much enthusiasm. what's wrong with me? why don't i feel that way about anything? i don't care what it is. if i could just feel that way about anything, even if i was no good at it. hell, even if i was passionate about making music out of those random keyboard noises like ross id feel better. ugh. i never realized i was missing this feeling and now it's all i can think about.