(no subject)
It's 238am and i just can't bring myself to go to bed. i have two exams tomorrow, and then another on wednesday..but in a little over a week, i'm home. gah..se excited.
i've also regressed in some areas that were not meant to be revisited. I dont feel the same way in my mind though, this time. My mind feels fine. I feel happy..isn't that all that matters? Shouldn't I be able to do what I please with my body as long as my mind is sound? Sound...perhaps I shouldn't go quite that far. I dont know, i just can't let it go..and it's scaring me.
christmas is coming..i love that feeling. everything is so warm and happy, and it's just comfort. i need that right now.
tonight leigh was wearing the cologne that james wears..it almost made me sick to my stomach. it was like a lightning bolt, literally, and there i was, naked, with my head on his muscular shoulder, feeling loved and ohsosecure. thats really what i miss about those boys..the security. and the feeling "good enough". I dont know what i mean, and i dont know why it matters, and i'm not sure why after months and months, i'm talking to james again, but it can't be good.
i've also regressed in some areas that were not meant to be revisited. I dont feel the same way in my mind though, this time. My mind feels fine. I feel happy..isn't that all that matters? Shouldn't I be able to do what I please with my body as long as my mind is sound? Sound...perhaps I shouldn't go quite that far. I dont know, i just can't let it go..and it's scaring me.
christmas is coming..i love that feeling. everything is so warm and happy, and it's just comfort. i need that right now.
tonight leigh was wearing the cologne that james wears..it almost made me sick to my stomach. it was like a lightning bolt, literally, and there i was, naked, with my head on his muscular shoulder, feeling loved and ohsosecure. thats really what i miss about those boys..the security. and the feeling "good enough". I dont know what i mean, and i dont know why it matters, and i'm not sure why after months and months, i'm talking to james again, but it can't be good.