Operation Sanzo Gets a Full Body Wax.

[perverted_kappa]

It was a testament to just how damned bored Gojyo had been that he'd made only a nominal protest when Hakkai approached him about assisting Sanzo. Normally there would've been more heat behind his refusal, and the names he'd called Sanzo would have been rather more creatively obscene, but he simply hadn't felt like wasting that much energy on the

Comments

[polite_sinner]

((OoC: . . . . oh what, ah ha ha, when did this entry get tagged? XDD))

Asking for permission with a silent glance, Hakkai took the page from Sanzo when he held it out to him, relieved that one of them had managed to find something useful, and that Sanzo had bothered being so paranoid thorough as to catalogue all of these reversal spells in the first place. Looking the spell over, he nodded a little decisively. "How fortunate. It seems like this might be just the sort of thing we're looking for," he said a little brightly, feeling his mood returning a little, now that he didn't quite have a sense of impending doom. "That was very good thinking of you to have taken all of these notes, Sanzo."

Gojyo came back into the room, then, and though he noticed it, Hakkai made it a point not to return Sanzo's glance -- that would have been a little suspicious, after all, and as distraught as Gojyo seemed, Hakkai didn't want to risk his roommate noticing something amiss already. "My goodness, Gojyo, you look as though a professor just failed you on a test."

[perverted_kappa]

He forced a nervous laugh and glanced up. The corner of one eye began to twitch. "What? Wrong? I'm fine," he lied, not even doing a convincing job of it. "And wouldn't that be something, to actually have classes here? And to fail? When I'm more competent than the entire faculty put together." He frowned. "What a frightening thought."

Not for the first time, he wondered why they all stayed. The school had been nothing but trouble, hadn't helped Sanzo in the least (not to Gojyo's knowledge, anyway), and that awful book in Sanzo's room he'd not meant to look at -- in fact Gojyo's entire awkward thing with Sanzo and Hakkai both, was surely just some byproduct of attending Hogwarts, he decided. It had to be. He'd never thought of either of them in anything but very platonic ways before getting stranded at the magic school. Oh, denial.

It was a relief then, really, that Sanzo had never taken him up on any of his many (he realised with further embarrassment) offers, and that Hakkai had turned him down the one and only time he'd physically tried to--... Dear Lord. How could he have ever been so completely thoughtless and vulgar? It was a wonder either still spoke to him!

With a groan, he covered his face and wished he could disappear. Once he'd regained a fraction of his composure he dared to look up again, trying his best not to remember any other past offenses. "So. Um. Time to hit the library for more research...? Are those the spells there?" He gestured to the notes they were looking through.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo frowned as he watched Gojyo. He hated seeing him so distressed, but Gojyo obviously didn't want to talk about it. Sanzo was torn between wanting to help Gojyo and wanting to respect his privacy. Of course, as soon as they mentioned the reversal spells, Gojyo might get even more upset.

"I don't think we need to go back to the library just yet," Sanzo said hesitantly. "Actually, we think we found a spell that might be worth trying." He glanced at Hakkai, wondering what the best way was to bring the subject of the reversal spells again.

[polite_sinner]

Gojyo's increasingly odd behavior caused Hakkai to give him a concerned frown, and he wondered if, perhaps, the side effects of the spell-gone-wrong were progressively getting worse. If that was the case, then it was all the more reason to attempt the reversal spell as soon as possible. "It seems a little strange that you--" and he meant the current Gojyo, not the natural Gojyo, "--would speak so freely of the staff. Are you certain you're all right?"

When Sanzo looked over to him, he took it as a prompt that he ought to say something in regards to the spell. "Ah. Yes, we found something promising," he said, purposefully vague; he was still puzzling out how he was going to manage to reverse the effects on the other two, much less how he was going to break the news to them gently. After a moment, he sighed a little to himself and decided to take the most direct approach. "However, as I'm sure you've both noticed, we still need to fix our problems with this latest attempt at a locator spell, don't we?" He smiled benignly.

[perverted_kappa]

It hadn't occurred to Gojyo that criticising the school faculty wasn't entirely polite until Hakkai seemed to imply as much. That sent Gojyo flushing in embarrassment and stuttering all over again. "Th-- it's-- oh, that was terribly rude of me. I apologise. Even though it's the truth..." He managed a watery smile, and quietly added, "You could apply for a teaching position, I bet, if you had any interest. Then I wouldn't have to hold such a low opinion of the faculty."

Even though he'd been the one to bring up the spells again, Gojyo couldn't help but feel increasingly anxious as they discussed them. He shifted on the bed, subtly preparing to edge (or possibly flat out flee) out the door should the business end of any wands get pointed at him. When Hakkai mentioned fixing the last spell, Gojyo glanced at Sanzo. "I guess you're right," he said, sighing as he stood up. "I'll, um, wait outside. If you don't mind. No offense, I'm sure you know what you're doing. It's just... a bit... stuffy in here." He slowly crept closer to the door as he spoke, hoping neither would bar the way.

[worldly_monk]

((OMG THIS IS SO OOC IT HURTS! XD ))

Okay, this was just getting, well, a little sad. Sanzo would never be rude enough say that out loud, but he couldn't help thinking it. Gojyo looked like he was almost ready to cry, and that was so completely unlike the Gojyo they knew and loved. Sanzo smiled hesitantly and tried to lighten the mood a little. "If Hakkai applied to be a teacher here, he would probably be running the school within a week. I'm probably lucky he doesn't want to run a temple in Chang'An."

Unfortunately when Hakkai mentioned fixing the effects of the locator spell, Gojyo started looking spooked again. Sanzo was confused when he stood up. What did he mean about waiting outside? They couldn't reverse the spell on him if he wasn't in the room. This wasn't working out at all. At the rate they were going, Gojyo was going to bolt out the door, and Sanzo and Hakkai would end up chasing him all over Hogwarts. And that would probably just upset Gojyo even more.

Wanting to reassure Gojyo, Sanzo impulsively stepped forward and put his arms around him. "It's okay Gojyo. We're not going to do anything to hurt you." He hugged Gojyo gently, hoping the friendly gesture would calm him down. "Hakkai's going to cast the spell this time, so you don't have to worry that I'm going to accidentally turn you into a tiger again." One of his hands ended up in Gojyo's hair, stroking softly.

[polite_sinner]

((OoC: Will have Hakkai do the reverse spell on my next comment, I think. \o\;;))

"Ah ha ha, I suppose I would consider a teaching position here once the student body of Ravenclaw decided to keep the door to the Common Room closed and password-protected, as it should be." Hakkai spoke cheerfully and reassuringly -- despite the thinly veiled criticism of their fellow students -- and the smile he wore matched his demeanor. With how Gojyo was acting, he assumed that a soothing tone of voice would be more effective than the content of what he actually said.

When Gojyo looked as though he wanted to attempt to make his escape, he moved to intercept him and prepared his best do as I say, please, or I'll make sure you're living in your own filth for weeks smile. However, it seemed that Sanzo had beaten him to it, thankfully-- Or not thankfully, he soon amended, when Sanzo pulled Gojyo into a hug. Hakkai couldn't help but make a vaguely horrified face.

. . . New personalities aside, Sanzo willingly hugging anyone like that just did not look right. At all.

[perverted_kappa]

((*SO DEDD OMG* Hee!))

His first and most overwhelming urge would have been to flail until he was released, assuming his mind hadn't ceased functioning the moment he felt Sanzo's arms around him. Gojyo wore a wide-eyed expression of shock as he struggled to come to terms with what was happening, arms held stiffly at his sides as though to minimise his contact with Sanzo.

Through the thick fog of incomprehensible horror, he realised the courteous thing to do would be to return the gesture and then excuse himself in the most diplomatic way possible.

It took a moment (or twenty), but he finally returned the hug and quickly attempted to voice his excuses. "Ummm," was his eloquent response as he lightly patted Sanzo on the back, trying to be friendly. "Er. Uh, S-Sanzo--?" Having his hair stroked was definitely a distraction, but couldn't fully be blamed for his present incoherence. Gojyo gave Hakkai a desperate look over Sanzo's shoulder, silently pleading for help.

[worldly_monk]

((OH DEAR GOD, HURRY HAKKAI, STOP THE INSANITY! I mean, hahaha, poor Gojyo. XD ))

It was obvious from Gojyo's posture that he wasn't entirely comfortable with the hug, but Sanzo was encouraged by the pat on the back. At least Gojyo was hugging back a little bit, and he wasn't running out the door.

Actually, this was kind of nice! They should do this more often. They were friends, after all, and friends could show each other affection, right? He should really tell Hakkai and Gojyo how much he enjoyed their company. Maybe he should go hug Hakkai next.

Distracted by his warm and fuzzy thoughts, Sanzo hugged just a little bit tighter, totally oblivious to Gojyo's distressed look at Hakkai.

[polite_sinner]

((. . . I-it's like Barney and Friends gone horribly wrong.))

Gojyo's glance over to him was enough to bring Hakkai back from his horrified stupor, though not quite enough to keep Hakkai from candidly staring at the pair of them moment or two longer. If it weren't so inherently wrong, the scene might have actually been a vaguely sweet display of (platonic?) affection. A little. Perhaps. Maybe.

. . . No. No, it was still wrong. He was glad he wasn't in Gojyo's shoes.

However, in his moment of unashamed gawking, something clicked in Hakkai's mind. Well, if the two of them were going to stand there and get so comfortable like that, he really ought to just. . . Aaaaah. Target immobilized. Target acquired.

Hakkai looked down at Sanzo's notes one more time, minutely miming the wand movements for a brief second before looking back up. Hakkai flashed Gojyo a small, guilty and apologetic smile -- one that said I'm sorry, but this is for your own good, as though he were about to give him some particularly foul-tasting medicine.

Sparing one last glance at the paper, Hakkai discreetly pulled out his wand and with very little flourish, performed the spell as best he could.

[perverted_kappa]

((Target immobilized. Target acquired. Lmao. Mecha Hakkai!
Feel free to have either/both of 'em smack Gojyo around for being a perv if you want. He deserves it. XD))

Gojyo was still trying to understand why Hakkai had given him such an odd smile when he was unexpectedly jarred by the spell, in such a way that his embrace turned into more of a clinging as a wave of dizziness hit him, and at some point his hands slipped from Sanzo's back.

By the time the vertigo dissipated, he found himself inexplicably holding onto someone's bony ass and had his lips pressed against the same someone's neck in what he assumed must've been intended as a kiss, which he opted to continue. Holy shit. Had he just blacked out during foreplay? Fuck. Hopefully she hadn't noticed. Huh... another flat chick, judging by the lack of cleavage rubbing against his chest. At least she had a nice ass, he decided, as he began groping it without a second thought. A really nice ass, that would probably be even better without any clothes in the way.

Still kissing along his mystery woman's neck, he brought a hand around and was about to do something about her pants when he noticed she was apparently a hermaphrodite since she obviously had a peen they weren't alone, and paused, thoroughly confused. Why on earth was Hakkai there...? Is it can be threesum tiem now plz?

[worldly_monk]

((ROFL!))

With his back to Hakkai, Sanzo didn't even see it coming. One moment he was hugging his dear friend Gojyo, and the next...

Sanzo blinked away the black spots from his vision. What the hell? He realized he was leaning on someone, and the red hair filling his vision made it obvious who was holding him up. Oh shit. Did they get drunk again? Was his hand really stroking Gojyo's hair? Sanzo started to pull away in confusion, when suddenly the memories of recent events caught up with him. He froze, horrified by what he had said and done. Goddamn fucking magic.

The hands groping his ass and the kisses on his neck brought him out of his daze. For one more frozen moment, he was tempted to let it continue, but the memories of his spell-induced personality change were making his skin crawl. Also, Hakkai was probably still standing right behind him, with a wand in his hand. Shit. Goddamn fucking Gojyo and his lousy timing. Desperate to get away and hide, possibly for the next year or two, Sanzo quickly shifted his hands to Gojyo's shoulders, not caring that he was probably yanking Gojyo's hair as he did so. Then he shoved the kappa away, hard. "What the fuck, Gojyo!?"

[polite_sinner]

After he had performed the spell, Hakkai waited anxiously to see the results, hoping he hadn't simply heaped more problems onto their plates. He watched the two of them become disoriented after the spell had been cast, and. . .

And, well, that didn't look very appropriate at all. Did he performed the spell wrong? Maybe now he'd just turned Gojyo back into his more amorous self from the incident with the cookies, in which case he was really going to have to separate the two of them before the situation could get out of hand. For their own good, of course. And because he didn't exactly want to have to try to fit three people into this room--

. . . Well, at least Sanzo was back to normal. Maybe. After the monk had less than gently let Gojyo know his interest in being intimate, Hakkai waited a second before politely clearing his throat and smiling awkwardly and uncomfortably at them. "Is everything all right, then?"

[perverted_kappa]

Shoved backwards without warning, he struggled to maintain his balance as he glared at Sanzo. His memory took a bit longer to catch up, but when it finally did, he growled. "You grabbed me! Damn shitty monk. And it's your fault we were affected in the first place!"

Head bowed, he carefully worked the tangled elastic out of his hair, wincing as a few strands came out with it. Tugging his hair out was probably Sanzo's way of paying him back for all the baldy comments. Asshole. And still reigning cocktease champ.

When Gojyo realised what he was wearing, he muttered something about looking like a fucking banker and pulled the stodgy vest off, tossed it toward Hakkai's bed, then started on the buttons of his dress shirt. "Everything's just fine," he grumbled in what he hoped sounded closer to sullen irritation than disappointment. He wasn't disappointed, dammit! He glanced at Hakkai suspiciously. "How do we know you weren't affected too? Don't let Sanzo do the reversal spell. He'd probably turn you into a houseplant."

[worldly_monk]

"My fault?! We don't know who screwed up the spell. Maybe it was your fault. And I didn't grab your ass, you pervert." Dammit! How did Gojyo manage to piss him off so damn quickly, every single time? Sanzo grabbed his cigarettes and lighter. Fuck, he'd even thought about quitting smoking.

Sanzo took a long drag to calm himself down before answering Hakkai. "I'm fine. Th..." He realized he was about to thank Hakkai for doing the reversal spell and snapped his mouth shut just in time. One eyebrow went up as the vest went flying across the room. Gojyo was apparently okay with stripping in front of them, so he must be back to normal too. Not that Sanzo really needed any additional proof. "Maybe I should turn you into a houseplant and keep you on my desk," he muttered under his breath.

The first cigarette was finished in record time, and Sanzo lit up a second one with the end of the first. "I need a fucking drink."

[polite_sinner]

Hakkai silently watched the two of them argue, trying to verify for himself if the two of them had been returned to normal. The shoving, name calling, and swearing seemed to be very Sanzo-and-Gojyo-ish -- ah, and the flinging of clothing (he tried not to be too offended by Gojyo's criticism of his taste in clothing), the chain smoking, and the immediate call for alcohol helped his conclusion, as well.

He chuckled in relief and amusement -- mostly directed towards himself. How odd that seeing the two of them being so antagonistic like this would actually feel normal to him. "Well, everything seems to be in order." He smiled a little mysteriously at Gojyo when he asked about the spell affecting him. "I suppose you'll have to determine it yourself. Until then, however, I suggest that the two of you should, ah, 'keep those wands in your pants.'"