Hold on to whatever will get you through.
I am at a loss for words. I know that as we grow older, we lose contact... but we never lose our memories and no one can ever take that away. We all still have that connection and longing for the past... I know I can't be the only one. We love those who we have grown up with, no matter what. I know that I didn't really know who you had come to be, but I do know who you have been. And that was someone who was very special to me. You were a sweet boy, my heart is broken and my thoughts are with every person who has been affected.
As of late, everything seems a little less important. I always have times in my life where I am only thinking about superficial things, and forget what is really important in life, and that is my family and friends. That includes friends of the past and present, and family I only see once a year.
I sometimes forget that we are all getting older, and that we have graduated from high school almost 2 years ago. It makes me sad that the people that I grew to love are only available at parties, that I rarely attend due to being up in Boston. I never realized how ungrateful I was that I got to see so many friends everyday. It makes me so sad to think that everyone was such good friends back then and now that we don't have a reason forcing us together everyday, we all just fell apart. Even just going into MHS, so many people got lost in the crowd through changing schools. In Ames, we were all so close. We all really had no choice but to be together, because we were all we had. I miss that. I miss the fact that so many people in my life were so fun, and great friends to me. Throwing us into high school changed the entire dynamic of our friendships.
The turning point from 9th-10th grade was really discovering drugs and alcohol, and changing from being able to just hang out with friends and having a good time, to needing a place to get drunk or smoke pot. I know back then there was a defined line. There were the kids who got drunk every weekend, and the kids who would never imagine drinking. Over the years that line has blended, and crossed. It seems all anyone is into these days is getting fucked up. I see it in my friends from home and in Boston. It makes me wonder what we will all be like when we are older. We all have this preconceived notion that college is all about getting fucked up and having the best times of our lives. But, what happens when the partying gets out of hand, and you don't even remember the times that are supposed to be the greatest memories? Since when is, "I was so fucked up that night, I hardly remember anything" a good story to look back on? I find that more often, that's the case. Your stories are remembered by the friends that were there, not by you. And what good is that? I admit, I get drunk every once in a while and forget some things, but that is a rare occasion that occurs maybe once every 6 months. I have never gotten so obliterated that I don't know how I got home, or what I did the night before. We are all learning how to be out on our own, and how to take care of ourselves, and then when we go out at night, we get so drunk that we need to be taken care of. That seems like a step backwards to me. Maybe I am looking to into this, but I think that the partying has become a little obsessive and a whole lot less fun. Maybe its because I am in Boston. I used to go to parties and have them because I adored everyone from MHS. I couldn't wait to see them, and hang out with them all at once. Now, I have a new set of friends up here, that I love just the same, but the aacquaintances and wanderers are not the same. Those people that I see randomly, I could care less about them. But the people from MHS that I would see rarely and randomly out, are people that I loved to see. Maybe they were people I had been friends with when I was younger, or people I was friends with for a short time in high school, but they still seemed to mean something. I honestly can say after today, that I cannot wait to move home, and hopefully retie some friendships that haven't existed in a while. Actually, I still consider the people I was friends with from elementary school to be friends, even if we haven't spoken in ages. I guess I should say that I hope when I get back, I will start hanging out with all of my friends again. Because, I love you all.
I have been so excited for Christmas, because I can't wait to get a bunch of new things that I've been longing to possess. It took until today for me to realize that what I really am looking forward to is spending time with my family. There are so few times in a year that my whole family, extended as well, that we are all in the same place at the same time. Now that my cousins are all getting older, and moving out on their own, its hard to gather everyone for more then a few days. I guess living in Boston, I add to that difficulty as well. I just can't wait to be home and see them, because I had a lot of fun with them this Thanksgiving, and I am not sure how many more times we will have as a whole this year, being that we are all far apart. I am looking forward to the next few weeks.
Xo,
Alli
<3
As of late, everything seems a little less important. I always have times in my life where I am only thinking about superficial things, and forget what is really important in life, and that is my family and friends. That includes friends of the past and present, and family I only see once a year.
I sometimes forget that we are all getting older, and that we have graduated from high school almost 2 years ago. It makes me sad that the people that I grew to love are only available at parties, that I rarely attend due to being up in Boston. I never realized how ungrateful I was that I got to see so many friends everyday. It makes me so sad to think that everyone was such good friends back then and now that we don't have a reason forcing us together everyday, we all just fell apart. Even just going into MHS, so many people got lost in the crowd through changing schools. In Ames, we were all so close. We all really had no choice but to be together, because we were all we had. I miss that. I miss the fact that so many people in my life were so fun, and great friends to me. Throwing us into high school changed the entire dynamic of our friendships.
The turning point from 9th-10th grade was really discovering drugs and alcohol, and changing from being able to just hang out with friends and having a good time, to needing a place to get drunk or smoke pot. I know back then there was a defined line. There were the kids who got drunk every weekend, and the kids who would never imagine drinking. Over the years that line has blended, and crossed. It seems all anyone is into these days is getting fucked up. I see it in my friends from home and in Boston. It makes me wonder what we will all be like when we are older. We all have this preconceived notion that college is all about getting fucked up and having the best times of our lives. But, what happens when the partying gets out of hand, and you don't even remember the times that are supposed to be the greatest memories? Since when is, "I was so fucked up that night, I hardly remember anything" a good story to look back on? I find that more often, that's the case. Your stories are remembered by the friends that were there, not by you. And what good is that? I admit, I get drunk every once in a while and forget some things, but that is a rare occasion that occurs maybe once every 6 months. I have never gotten so obliterated that I don't know how I got home, or what I did the night before. We are all learning how to be out on our own, and how to take care of ourselves, and then when we go out at night, we get so drunk that we need to be taken care of. That seems like a step backwards to me. Maybe I am looking to into this, but I think that the partying has become a little obsessive and a whole lot less fun. Maybe its because I am in Boston. I used to go to parties and have them because I adored everyone from MHS. I couldn't wait to see them, and hang out with them all at once. Now, I have a new set of friends up here, that I love just the same, but the aacquaintances and wanderers are not the same. Those people that I see randomly, I could care less about them. But the people from MHS that I would see rarely and randomly out, are people that I loved to see. Maybe they were people I had been friends with when I was younger, or people I was friends with for a short time in high school, but they still seemed to mean something. I honestly can say after today, that I cannot wait to move home, and hopefully retie some friendships that haven't existed in a while. Actually, I still consider the people I was friends with from elementary school to be friends, even if we haven't spoken in ages. I guess I should say that I hope when I get back, I will start hanging out with all of my friends again. Because, I love you all.
I have been so excited for Christmas, because I can't wait to get a bunch of new things that I've been longing to possess. It took until today for me to realize that what I really am looking forward to is spending time with my family. There are so few times in a year that my whole family, extended as well, that we are all in the same place at the same time. Now that my cousins are all getting older, and moving out on their own, its hard to gather everyone for more then a few days. I guess living in Boston, I add to that difficulty as well. I just can't wait to be home and see them, because I had a lot of fun with them this Thanksgiving, and I am not sure how many more times we will have as a whole this year, being that we are all far apart. I am looking forward to the next few weeks.
Xo,
Alli
<3