Warning: Insensitive, offensive, self-centered, and generally wrong.
So yesterday Gaia showed me a PV by Fra-Foa (a japanese indies band) called "Aojiroi Tsuki" (Pale Moon). It was really awesome and powerful. The chorus was simple and yet blindingly emotional, as if there's a real story behind it. Whoever wrote it was NOT messing around with chords. I thought, "Why don't *I* ever compose that kind of songs."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSExM4pSzHg
So today I checked what the song is about, and turns out that it IS a real story - dedicated to the vocalist's brother who died from drowning when she was a child.
So I thought "No wonder it's so powerful, it's a real story. I'll NEVER be able to write anything like that."
"Nobody I know has ever drowned."
So two hours later, Era SMSes me, and I call Krumpet, and turns out that they went to the beach...
Stuff went wrong, and Eli (o.o) drowned and died.
(o.o)
So yeah, I tell people about it, and they all answer with (...)
Obviously, they have nothing to say, as it always is when faced with news about death.
But I KNOW that some of them wanted to write "o.o" or "O_O;;" or whatever, and couldn't.
Because once you get serious, emoticons are forbidden. A whole lot of stuff is "forbidden" once someone dies. No idea what, tho.
I guess I'm supposed to "feel" it on my own.
But right now I feel nothing.
I'm feeling ok, actually. Normal.
"So, once you guys are finished there at the hospital, ya wanna go and catch a burger or something?"
"עידן אלי ורן הלכו לים, אלי טבע, מי נשאר?"
Obviously, tomorrow I'm gonna be at a funeral and feel terrible about it.
Dead people don't feel pain. When you're sad, it's not because you feel bad for HIM.
Just that he also happened to have a family and friends. And they're all gonna be there and cry. That's where the real disaster is. The loss, the sadness, slowly eating through dozens of people who knew Eli around the globe.
People who served with him in the army, people who sat next to him at school, people he played DnD and Magic with, Moeru, Inna, Ella, maybe his boss and the kids from work (God knows how HE'S supposed to find out), and they're all feeling terrible right now. Some don't feel terrible yet, some are slowly letting the thought sink in (ha ha I said "sink"), and some already feel like the world has ended.
But it doesn't matter, all of them will reach the third stage by tomorrow, a great deal of suffering will be introduced into reality, all in one place, and that's what even the coldest heartless asshole in the universe (me) can't deny or be oblivious to.
So right now, I'm writing all the insensitive heartless nonsense I can think of, while I'm still lethargic, so tomorrow when I'm devastated I can read it and be offended, or something. Maybe that'll make me feel the wrong side of black humor.
Some of you might think that I'm being RIDICULOUSLY self-centered when I'm writing everything here from my point of view. Any other person would have started this post with the death itself, or maybe even write a one-sentence post about it. It's probably right.
But this blog isn't some kind of news bulletin, it's not meant to reflect the world and the things happening in it, it's there to reflect my life and things in it. An online log of how I feel about stuff. Also, it might be an interesting way of checking who's actually reading through my posts. If I wrote just "Eli died" I bet way more people would actually read those words and ply.
........Some log, I didn't even write about getting released from the army.
Guess it's all overshadowed now, eh?
If there is an afterlife, I'm in for a serious beating once I'm dead too.
Rest in peace, ya crazy Russian.
You love black humor too, I know you're getting this. Tell everybody else to shut up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSExM4pSzHg
So today I checked what the song is about, and turns out that it IS a real story - dedicated to the vocalist's brother who died from drowning when she was a child.
So I thought "No wonder it's so powerful, it's a real story. I'll NEVER be able to write anything like that."
"Nobody I know has ever drowned."
So two hours later, Era SMSes me, and I call Krumpet, and turns out that they went to the beach...
Stuff went wrong, and Eli (o.o) drowned and died.
(o.o)
So yeah, I tell people about it, and they all answer with (...)
Obviously, they have nothing to say, as it always is when faced with news about death.
But I KNOW that some of them wanted to write "o.o" or "O_O;;" or whatever, and couldn't.
Because once you get serious, emoticons are forbidden. A whole lot of stuff is "forbidden" once someone dies. No idea what, tho.
I guess I'm supposed to "feel" it on my own.
But right now I feel nothing.
I'm feeling ok, actually. Normal.
"So, once you guys are finished there at the hospital, ya wanna go and catch a burger or something?"
"עידן אלי ורן הלכו לים, אלי טבע, מי נשאר?"
Obviously, tomorrow I'm gonna be at a funeral and feel terrible about it.
Dead people don't feel pain. When you're sad, it's not because you feel bad for HIM.
Just that he also happened to have a family and friends. And they're all gonna be there and cry. That's where the real disaster is. The loss, the sadness, slowly eating through dozens of people who knew Eli around the globe.
People who served with him in the army, people who sat next to him at school, people he played DnD and Magic with, Moeru, Inna, Ella, maybe his boss and the kids from work (God knows how HE'S supposed to find out), and they're all feeling terrible right now. Some don't feel terrible yet, some are slowly letting the thought sink in (ha ha I said "sink"), and some already feel like the world has ended.
But it doesn't matter, all of them will reach the third stage by tomorrow, a great deal of suffering will be introduced into reality, all in one place, and that's what even the coldest heartless asshole in the universe (me) can't deny or be oblivious to.
So right now, I'm writing all the insensitive heartless nonsense I can think of, while I'm still lethargic, so tomorrow when I'm devastated I can read it and be offended, or something. Maybe that'll make me feel the wrong side of black humor.
Some of you might think that I'm being RIDICULOUSLY self-centered when I'm writing everything here from my point of view. Any other person would have started this post with the death itself, or maybe even write a one-sentence post about it. It's probably right.
But this blog isn't some kind of news bulletin, it's not meant to reflect the world and the things happening in it, it's there to reflect my life and things in it. An online log of how I feel about stuff. Also, it might be an interesting way of checking who's actually reading through my posts. If I wrote just "Eli died" I bet way more people would actually read those words and ply.
........Some log, I didn't even write about getting released from the army.
Guess it's all overshadowed now, eh?
If there is an afterlife, I'm in for a serious beating once I'm dead too.
Rest in peace, ya crazy Russian.
You love black humor too, I know you're getting this. Tell everybody else to shut up.