(no subject)
so ive come to my senses and just accepted that im no longer a part of this family
theres no pictures of me anywhere..we even have like pictures of our neighbors kids on the fridge...but none of me
and my room is gone...and everything in it..
i guess they just dont even want me here anymore
they do stuff for shane and trevor whenever they ask
i cant even leave the house unless i have my own money on me that i earned..even though i dont get allowance and he wont let me get a job. life is bullshit
plus if i do have my own money, i have to get rides wherever i go
and hes a fucking psycho so if he doesnt know you then i cant go out...even if ive known you forever...he has to know you..
yet shane and trevor can do whatever they want whenever they want
and im the oldest!!
they invite whoever they want over to the house without asking, but i have to ask, and even then he will probly say no...
they buy them everything
they got trevor new things for "his" room
they wouldnt even buy me new pillows when it was my room...
julie was wearing an old shirt of mine yesterday...suprised it fits over her silicon-filled-fun-bags
theyre fucking rediculous
they dont even know me
i cant tell them half of the things i can tell my mom
because most of the things i do now, my mom does herself
im so happy that her test results came back ok
i dont know what i would do if i had to live here sleeping on the couch every night
when they make dinner, which is like once a moth
they offer food to everyone
then leave the room without even asking me
they treat me like im not even here
he gets mad at me when i dont say hi to his stupid wife..and she gets so mad and doest talk to me
not like i care if she talks to me or not
but they pull this shit on me all the time
and act like it doesnt hurt me
i dont take down the pictures i have of him
do they think im a fucking robot?
do they think i cant feel?
they dont consider my feelings ever...
they do really dumb shit to me all the time.. and when/if i react to what they do, they act like its my fault and get mad at me if it makes me cry and turn it on me..
they dont even realize half the shit i do is their fault
and half the shit i do they dont even know about
he says i betrayed him that one time...
thats why 5 months later i still dont have a room & my pictures are still down...god knows where...probly in a garbage dump somewhere
they got mad at me when i was upset at them for selling my things in their garage sale that i didnt know about
their stupid remarks are what make me the person i am..its their fault i didnt eat that time
they dont even know
that one time i didnt see him for 4 months...that was his fault..yet i still get blamed for it
that was when he told me he wishes i werent born
that was the loudest ive screamed at a parent
that was when he found out my true feelings for his fucking wife..he still sides with her
he sold the racecar because he wanted to spend more quality time because he "saw it falling apart"
bullshit
that thing was the only thing we ever had in common
going to the races was the only thing we ever did together
SHE knows that
shes fucking hitler [happy birthday 2 days ago bitch]
she tears everything apart
all of this is her fault
i cant wait for next year....and even more the next...
next year my brothers dad gets out
and then theres a custody battle
that bitch will get a taste of her own fucking medicine
then theres 18..finally
i never have to see their psycho asses ever again
then there was that time she was yelling at us because we hadnt done our chores..she said she would make us pitch our own tent in the backyard to sleep in
on our own
with no pillows, blankets, or fans...this was summertime
we could only come in the house to go to the bathroom
then they compare me to a fucking freshman boy
they tell me to be more like him
"he gets good grades, hes smart, hes a good kid" fuck that
you guys are the reason im not any of those things
go fuck yourselves
he doesnt like my clothes..they want me to be a cheerleader, they want me to be tan, they want me to be class president, they want me to play sports, they tell me ballet isnt a real sport, they dont show up to my recitals, school plays "makeup doesnt count, youre not in the play, it doesnt matter" they never show. they dont give a fuck...why should they care if i dont give a damn about them
not like they care about me
he treats his best friends daughter like shes his..he doenst know how that makes me feel..or maybe he does..
shes the reason youre this way
the stupid shit she says to me that you dont know about
i would tell you, but i have a heart..not like you'd care anyway..
im done with everything
im done with you
im done with her
im done with them
im done with your games
im done with her brainwashing
fuck you
i hate you and everything you do
thats all i have to say for a while
i could go on but that felt good
if you read this and dont understand who its about
its my dad
theres no pictures of me anywhere..we even have like pictures of our neighbors kids on the fridge...but none of me
and my room is gone...and everything in it..
i guess they just dont even want me here anymore
they do stuff for shane and trevor whenever they ask
i cant even leave the house unless i have my own money on me that i earned..even though i dont get allowance and he wont let me get a job. life is bullshit
plus if i do have my own money, i have to get rides wherever i go
and hes a fucking psycho so if he doesnt know you then i cant go out...even if ive known you forever...he has to know you..
yet shane and trevor can do whatever they want whenever they want
and im the oldest!!
they invite whoever they want over to the house without asking, but i have to ask, and even then he will probly say no...
they buy them everything
they got trevor new things for "his" room
they wouldnt even buy me new pillows when it was my room...
julie was wearing an old shirt of mine yesterday...suprised it fits over her silicon-filled-fun-bags
theyre fucking rediculous
they dont even know me
i cant tell them half of the things i can tell my mom
because most of the things i do now, my mom does herself
im so happy that her test results came back ok
i dont know what i would do if i had to live here sleeping on the couch every night
when they make dinner, which is like once a moth
they offer food to everyone
then leave the room without even asking me
they treat me like im not even here
he gets mad at me when i dont say hi to his stupid wife..and she gets so mad and doest talk to me
not like i care if she talks to me or not
but they pull this shit on me all the time
and act like it doesnt hurt me
i dont take down the pictures i have of him
do they think im a fucking robot?
do they think i cant feel?
they dont consider my feelings ever...
they do really dumb shit to me all the time.. and when/if i react to what they do, they act like its my fault and get mad at me if it makes me cry and turn it on me..
they dont even realize half the shit i do is their fault
and half the shit i do they dont even know about
he says i betrayed him that one time...
thats why 5 months later i still dont have a room & my pictures are still down...god knows where...probly in a garbage dump somewhere
they got mad at me when i was upset at them for selling my things in their garage sale that i didnt know about
their stupid remarks are what make me the person i am..its their fault i didnt eat that time
they dont even know
that one time i didnt see him for 4 months...that was his fault..yet i still get blamed for it
that was when he told me he wishes i werent born
that was the loudest ive screamed at a parent
that was when he found out my true feelings for his fucking wife..he still sides with her
he sold the racecar because he wanted to spend more quality time because he "saw it falling apart"
bullshit
that thing was the only thing we ever had in common
going to the races was the only thing we ever did together
SHE knows that
shes fucking hitler [happy birthday 2 days ago bitch]
she tears everything apart
all of this is her fault
i cant wait for next year....and even more the next...
next year my brothers dad gets out
and then theres a custody battle
that bitch will get a taste of her own fucking medicine
then theres 18..finally
i never have to see their psycho asses ever again
then there was that time she was yelling at us because we hadnt done our chores..she said she would make us pitch our own tent in the backyard to sleep in
on our own
with no pillows, blankets, or fans...this was summertime
we could only come in the house to go to the bathroom
then they compare me to a fucking freshman boy
they tell me to be more like him
"he gets good grades, hes smart, hes a good kid" fuck that
you guys are the reason im not any of those things
go fuck yourselves
he doesnt like my clothes..they want me to be a cheerleader, they want me to be tan, they want me to be class president, they want me to play sports, they tell me ballet isnt a real sport, they dont show up to my recitals, school plays "makeup doesnt count, youre not in the play, it doesnt matter" they never show. they dont give a fuck...why should they care if i dont give a damn about them
not like they care about me
he treats his best friends daughter like shes his..he doenst know how that makes me feel..or maybe he does..
shes the reason youre this way
the stupid shit she says to me that you dont know about
i would tell you, but i have a heart..not like you'd care anyway..
im done with everything
im done with you
im done with her
im done with them
im done with your games
im done with her brainwashing
fuck you
i hate you and everything you do
thats all i have to say for a while
i could go on but that felt good
if you read this and dont understand who its about
its my dad