(no subject)
appreciation.
a couple days ago, it was chinese valentine's day. i think it goes without saying that i spent it single since i'm destined to be the eternal bachelor. normally, valentine's day does not bother me, but this time around, it was really a problem.
let me set the scenario.
monday: chinese valentine's day:
17:36
i was locked out of my phone because a friend used it over the weekend and the power suddenly cut out. it's normally locked by a PIN, but since he did not know it, he punched in a bunch of bad ones until my phone decided to shut down and lock the sim card. it could only be unlocked with a code given by the telecom company
18:24
i had made plans earlier to meet diana and mindy at warner village to catch the 18:40 showing of miami vice. it was a real risk though because i have no way of reaching them, so i prayed that they would be waiting outside the theater or something. or maybe they were running late. but it was to no availabe, as i puttered around the theater watching all these seemingly happy couple walk in, hand in hand. i lasted there around 20 minutes before giving up, more frustrated than anything else because i was so close, yet so far away.
18:57
walking back toward the mrt station, i don't think i've ever felt so alone for the longest time. surrounded by people, strangers, and no one i knew. i had no way of reaching anyone. it was such a feeling of helplessness. finally, i decided to sit down on a bench to jot down my thoughts. in the form of poetry, and mind you, i never write poetry.
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7.31.06. 情人節. Taipei
Sitting here on this marble bench
Here in the center of metropolis Taipei
Here on a day celebrating love
I have not felt this lonely in a long time
It's no one's fault.
There was just no way for me to reach you.
I'm angry, but there's no one to blame
In my own self-righteousness, I'm angry that I couldn't make this work.
I was hoping for one fo those moments
where you would be running late
as I was.
That you would miss the 6:40 showing
and catch the next one.
Or maybe
you would be outside the theater waiting
For me.
That it would finally happen like in the movies:
I see you
You see me
Catching your glances from a distance...
And that spark of recognition
But it didn't happen.
So all I can do is wait. And leave.
Smooth jazz playing over the speakers
fail to put my emotions at ease.
I want to see you, someone, anyone I know.
But all I see is a sea of unfamiliar faces
Just walking by.
No touch. Just alone.
Sitting here alone has never been this painful.
When I know you you're somewhere near me...
but I won't find you.
Couples walking by, holding hands.
Embraced.
Together.
I know I'll talk to you tomorrow.
"My phone was dead."
I couldn't reach you."
Simple as that.
But right now,
I can't bear to be alone.
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okay, laugh it up. it is what it is. after i close my little travel journal, i take the mrt over to my uncle's place in the hopes of getting my phone fixed. it's horrible how much we rely on cell phones for everything nowadays. all of my numbers we on that phone so i couldn't even call my uncle to let him know that i was coming.
19:03
of course, i show up unexpected but still get a warm welcome and dinner from my relatives. they're more than happy to help me out and keep me well-fed. we make the call to the states to wake up my parents at 6.a.m. to tell them to wake up my aunt, who's currently staying in my home for summer vacation. she lives in taiwan and was the one who registered for my phone. after a whole long procedure of having my aunt call the taiwanese phone company to figure out what to have my other aunt (the one my uncle who's house i was in) call the phone company to get the code to unlock my phone, my phone was finally free from the clutches of non-functionality. to be connected with the world again. it felt amazing.
23:30
as i lay on my hard wooden board of a bed thinking about what precipitated from the events of the day, i could not feel anything except appreciation for my family and how amazing they are. my parents did not yell at me for waking them up at 6 in the morning and forcing them to wake up my most likely jet lagged aunt at 6 in the morning. i got myself into a bit of trouble and totally bailed me out. on a day that i did not think i could feel any lonelier on, i knew that there would always be people there for me. my family. so on a holiday that translates from chinese to english as "Lover's Holiday," what I celebrated was a love that's been there for me all the time, the love of my family. and for that, I am eternally grateful.