learning to take it
I'm a critic. I've known this about myself for a long time; whenever I'm watching something, I'm observing it with an eye towards what can be tweaked, what can be improved, and what needs to be thrown out. This is how I listen to music, how I watch movies, how I attend church, and even how I give advice to friends. It makes me a really great coach and teacher - I can diagnose a problem very quickly and help a student see how to correct it. It can also make me annoying when people aren't looking for criticism, so I use my critical eye to tell people things they're doing well as much as possible. I go way out of my way to compliment people so much that it's almost weird.
It sounds trite, but the flip side of all this is that I really do reserve the harshest criticism for myself. I have very few performances that I'm satisfied with. After every gig my poor drummer/driver, Miles, has to listen to me tear apart every little thing I did badly. He even jokes about how much I beat myself up. When people give me compliments about my music, I feel a really big urge to tell them everything that was wrong with it, lest they mistakenly think that I was actually proud of my own work. I'm sure most people reading this have listened to me say things like "the transitions were really weak," or "it's really hard to hear up here - I wish I could have gotten the balance better," after a gig.
So I was reading an article by Tom Rath today, and he says: "Learn to take compliments. When someone goes out of the way to compliment you, that person is in a vulnerable position. Downplaying the compliment is like a slap in the face. Try responding with a simple and gracious "Thanks!" It will put a smile on both your faces."
Reading this kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I'd never really thought of my instinctual rejection of compliments as being un-loving, but what I'm really doing is invalidating what other people have to say. I'm saying, "hey, you obviously don't know enough for your opinion to matter." I think I'm going to teach myself to just smile and say, "thanks, I'm glad you liked it," and accept the compliment for the gift it is.
It sounds trite, but the flip side of all this is that I really do reserve the harshest criticism for myself. I have very few performances that I'm satisfied with. After every gig my poor drummer/driver, Miles, has to listen to me tear apart every little thing I did badly. He even jokes about how much I beat myself up. When people give me compliments about my music, I feel a really big urge to tell them everything that was wrong with it, lest they mistakenly think that I was actually proud of my own work. I'm sure most people reading this have listened to me say things like "the transitions were really weak," or "it's really hard to hear up here - I wish I could have gotten the balance better," after a gig.
So I was reading an article by Tom Rath today, and he says: "Learn to take compliments. When someone goes out of the way to compliment you, that person is in a vulnerable position. Downplaying the compliment is like a slap in the face. Try responding with a simple and gracious "Thanks!" It will put a smile on both your faces."
Reading this kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I'd never really thought of my instinctual rejection of compliments as being un-loving, but what I'm really doing is invalidating what other people have to say. I'm saying, "hey, you obviously don't know enough for your opinion to matter." I think I'm going to teach myself to just smile and say, "thanks, I'm glad you liked it," and accept the compliment for the gift it is.