I miss it

[ike_stalks_me]

I miss the days of not having to worry about anything and being fairly stable in terms of knowing what was going on in my life and how things were going to turn out. I miss not worrying and when I did it was over stupid meaningless crap for the most part. I think about the things I used to worry about and have to laugh boys and bands and later moving on to things like relationships and who I was going to go places with and where we were going to go. Now thats all changed and I understand its part of getting older but I feel like everything is so uncertain, Im losing job oppertunities because I am In school I cant find a job in my field because they are all government jobs and there is a state gov. hirering freeze, Im feeling the pressure as my last full semester of college approches not only to do well but to try and find a job, and then there is my wedding that is turning into a giant dissapointment because Im catholic and Ray is not catholic nor is he a Christian based faith. It makes it had to love someone and feel like you have to walk barefoot over hot coals simply to be able to marry the person that you love, the person you have been engaged to fo three years simply becasue you wanted to wait to get married until you knew that you would be alble to find a job after graduation.

Its all just too much pressure on me and Im trying to hold on, but I feel like I sometimes dont have anyone who will listen and when they do they will try to change me and how I feel. Im stubbon and strong willed I learned a while ago that letting people push you around does no good at all, no one is going to change my mind about the things I want but it sure would be nice to hear some words of encouragement from the people that matter to me every once in a while.