Refection
I've come to realize that some of the past experiences over the last few years of my life have made me cynical, very cynical.
I dont trust people, even people Ive been friends with for a long time, that comes greatly from thinking my best friends was a real friend when she was not.
I have over acievement issues because Inwas pushed so so so hard to be the best and not a dissapointment I hold everyone else to the same unrealistly high standards, I think part of that is because I never though I could do it and I did so I think everyone else should be able to. Going hand in hand with this is the fact that Im terrified of being a failure.
I fear being used and manipulated, Its happend so many times to me that I feel like everyone is looking for an angle of some kind so they can do that to me. I love Ray and I even look at him like that some times, and I hate it. I do it to my friends too but once again I think that goes back to past experiences with people and finding out that I was nothing.
I feel like I need some kind of self enlightenment book about getting over some strange social parinoia and anxiety, but then again there are so many books Ive been meaning to but the list just goes on and on.
I have to call the Church lady back today and see when I can come down and meet with her to start getting pricing and such for the wedding and ask if I can have my priest come to that church to perform the ceremony. I have to book this and the receoption by the end of the month, I also have to call the woman at the diocese about our "Marriage Preperation Classes" That should be fun *sigh*