[Fic] What is Enough
Title: What is Enough
Pairings: Jaejoong/female oc
Rating: PG
Warnings: character death
Genre: Romance, angst
Summary: She watches him in secret as he rampages on the black waters of the ocean.
AN: Based on Ayumi Hamasaki's "Blossom" where Jaejoong starred in the MV.
[Watch MV >here<.]
***
She watches him in secret as he rampages on the black waters of the ocean. She doesn’t make a sound as his desperate cries reach her ears. She doesn’t make a move as he pours all of his anger, all his regrets and all his pain, willing the waves to take them all away… She doesn’t let him see her, because she knows he would be happier this way.
She doesn't let him hear her heart breaking, either, so she thinks it’s a fair trade.
She doesn't worry that he'll drown himself, because she knows how desperately he wants to live that he was even willing to lie to himself and disregard the excruciating pain that his body is experiencing.
She doesn't let him know that she hears his pained whimpers as he curls up to himself when he thinks she was sleeping. She doesn't let him know that she feels him trembling and shaking and sobbing when the pain becomes past unbearable. She doesn't let him see her crying quietly with him, wishing she could take away his pain, wishing he'd let her know so she could hold him in her arms, and they could cry together.
She doesn't let him know that every time she sees him in pain, her heart gets torn in two. She doesn't let him know that every time she hears him whispering her name as he silently suffers alone, she is there with him getting her heart ripped apart into a thousand pieces. She doesn't let him know how afraid she is to sleep, afraid that when she wakes up, he would be nothing more than a cold body. She doesn't let him know that she stays awake every night; lying right beside him and watching him sleep fitfully with his face contorted with agony. She doesn't dare wake him as she touches his cheeks softly, her fingers tracing his knitted brows, the tear tracks in his cheeks, his nose, his lips... She doesn't deny herself the chance to memorize his face, carve his image permanently to her mind, so that she would never forget, ever, how beautiful he is even in pain.
She doesn't stop the tears.
She doesn't tell him how grateful she is for every bit of little time he has left. She doesn't tell him how desperately she wants to spend most of it... all of it... to the tiniest fraction of a second... to spend it all with him; Stay right beside him, walk right beside him, eat right beside him, sit and laugh and cry right beside him, sleep right beside him and dream what he dreams, and see what he sees, and feel what he feels...
She walks away without a word as he thrashes on the waters still. She ignores the tightening in her chest and the painful lump on her throat. She doesn't acknowledge the tears that stream down her cheeks.
She takes a deep breath and prepares.
She pretends not to notice his red swollen eyes when he finally comes home from the beach the following morning. Instead she gives him her widest smile, one so big that it hurts, and yells "Happy Birthday!"
And she breathes a little easier when he tiredly smiles back, because it's okay that he doesn't know that she knows, and it's okay that he keeps it from her, as long as he knows the only one thing that mattered.
I love you so much that it hurts to know that this moment won't last forever... But one moment is enough for me.
***
AN: Here I go again with angst. *face palm*
Pairings: Jaejoong/female oc
Rating: PG
Warnings: character death
Genre: Romance, angst
Summary: She watches him in secret as he rampages on the black waters of the ocean.
AN: Based on Ayumi Hamasaki's "Blossom" where Jaejoong starred in the MV.
[Watch MV >here<.]
***
She watches him in secret as he rampages on the black waters of the ocean. She doesn’t make a sound as his desperate cries reach her ears. She doesn’t make a move as he pours all of his anger, all his regrets and all his pain, willing the waves to take them all away… She doesn’t let him see her, because she knows he would be happier this way.
She doesn't let him hear her heart breaking, either, so she thinks it’s a fair trade.
She doesn't worry that he'll drown himself, because she knows how desperately he wants to live that he was even willing to lie to himself and disregard the excruciating pain that his body is experiencing.
She doesn't let him know that she hears his pained whimpers as he curls up to himself when he thinks she was sleeping. She doesn't let him know that she feels him trembling and shaking and sobbing when the pain becomes past unbearable. She doesn't let him see her crying quietly with him, wishing she could take away his pain, wishing he'd let her know so she could hold him in her arms, and they could cry together.
She doesn't let him know that every time she sees him in pain, her heart gets torn in two. She doesn't let him know that every time she hears him whispering her name as he silently suffers alone, she is there with him getting her heart ripped apart into a thousand pieces. She doesn't let him know how afraid she is to sleep, afraid that when she wakes up, he would be nothing more than a cold body. She doesn't let him know that she stays awake every night; lying right beside him and watching him sleep fitfully with his face contorted with agony. She doesn't dare wake him as she touches his cheeks softly, her fingers tracing his knitted brows, the tear tracks in his cheeks, his nose, his lips... She doesn't deny herself the chance to memorize his face, carve his image permanently to her mind, so that she would never forget, ever, how beautiful he is even in pain.
She doesn't stop the tears.
She doesn't tell him how grateful she is for every bit of little time he has left. She doesn't tell him how desperately she wants to spend most of it... all of it... to the tiniest fraction of a second... to spend it all with him; Stay right beside him, walk right beside him, eat right beside him, sit and laugh and cry right beside him, sleep right beside him and dream what he dreams, and see what he sees, and feel what he feels...
She walks away without a word as he thrashes on the waters still. She ignores the tightening in her chest and the painful lump on her throat. She doesn't acknowledge the tears that stream down her cheeks.
She takes a deep breath and prepares.
She pretends not to notice his red swollen eyes when he finally comes home from the beach the following morning. Instead she gives him her widest smile, one so big that it hurts, and yells "Happy Birthday!"
And she breathes a little easier when he tiredly smiles back, because it's okay that he doesn't know that she knows, and it's okay that he keeps it from her, as long as he knows the only one thing that mattered.
I love you so much that it hurts to know that this moment won't last forever... But one moment is enough for me.
***
AN: Here I go again with angst. *face palm*