(no subject)
so Boulder is pretty awesomet- not as hippie infested as i expected- though it does remind me a lot of mira costa highschool- and that isnt a good thing. well it was parent weekend, this weekend, and my parents (my mother particularily) never fails in aggrevating the shit out of me. the only good thing that came out of their lil visit was that i got to go shopping, and take a bath- bc they had a hotel room and i dont have enough kahonies to take a bath in the dorms....sick. my mother is such a high strung person that its imposible for me to enjoy myself around her, and thats that.
Its hard to get a read on the friends that I have made here. I really enjoy their company, though i dont know if we have personalities that click. It seems as if we were forced to become friends bc everyone was just thrown together, and people make the best of the situations they are in. Though i often wonder if we would have beeen friends in hs; if we went to the same school. Obviously, they are never going to take the place of my dear friends back home that have the ability to have fun wherever they go and no matter what situation they are in. I need someone like that, i need a best friend like katrina- where both of us can just understand eachother, where both of us get sheer joy of making a childish prank phonecall. Everyone is caught up in going to parties and getting wasted- screw that. Everyone is caught up in "being mature" when they really dont know what being mature is. Somedays, im so happy to have meet these people, bc i know they can be good friends- but other days im just so incredibly bored with what they have to offer and their pointless discussions about "love" and trying to define and understand it. I guess im just not the type of girl who day dreams about how winderful their wedding is going to be- and what their dress is going to look like. WHO GIVES A SHIT?! your 18 years old! fuck- go out and have fun. They need to stop dreaming about how wonderful their life is going to be and just DO IT. Anyways, i get very mixed opinions of my friends- surprisingly, i think i can relate most to rachel. She seems sensible and far more reasonable in regards to how she lifes her life...this is strange because when i first met her, i really didnt think we could ever be close. Kelly is cool but she needs to come down off of cloud 9, and live in reality. Im tired of hearing her and Carlie's mindless banter about how they want to have the pciture book, susie highchool type of romance. Maybe kelly just needs to get her heart broken and then she can realize that "dating the star quarterback" isnt everything in a relationship. I realize that everyone is different- so i have been able to accept their personalities and go along with it. But kelly isnt as "genuine" and "sweet" as she preaches herself to be. Thats all bullshit because the other day she said (this is a direct quote) "i think its ok to be superficial when your younger becuase it dosnt matter as much" - well screw that honey becuase how you begin to mold you life, is how you will turn out to be. And she comes off so short and rude sometimes- maybe she just dosnt realize its mean. And carlie---that poor girl is dealing with a broken heart now- but your really not going to get yourself anywhere by wallowing in your own depression. I guess im just tired of hearing them quote robert and elizabeth barrett browning, when i can only quote yoda. I have problems opening up to people in all forums. I cant open up in relationships, friendships, and writing- my mother always told me that a good writer is one who can give a little of themself in their pieces. Hopefully one day, i can get enough self confidence to do that and master it. So i realize that im not going to become close with anyone until i can open up and relate with them. I cant be that way in a new enviroment- i miss being able to just have someone always there who can understand me, there are only a few people who can do that: katrina foremost, chantal, sean and ashlee. I guess this is all apart of getting older, and learning to cope in new situations and enviroments. But for now- if you dont understand why i like to be alone- its bc im too tired to be phony- and act friendly when im really not feeling it. i just dont want people to think that becuase i like to be alone- dosnt mean i dont like to be around people. life would be soo lonely if there wasnt people and personalities to observe. I like to be along becuase I have been brought up to be independant- starting from when i was a child and i was forced to visit my grandma in france...so as depressing and anti- social as this entry makes me look- im really not. i love people, and i love to have fun...its just different from the drunken rage fun like most people here.
also- i dont know what to think of him. I HATE LIKING HIM, and i dont want to- but i cant force myself to do something that my emotions are against. i hate how he plays games and i hate how he hurts me- screw him.
and one more thing: i accidently filled out an application to target- bc i was bored waiting for my mother to exchange something and the compter was right there in my face- so i did it to take up time but by the time my mother was done- i had finished it, and for some reason i wrote all the correct information too. o well......
tate
Its hard to get a read on the friends that I have made here. I really enjoy their company, though i dont know if we have personalities that click. It seems as if we were forced to become friends bc everyone was just thrown together, and people make the best of the situations they are in. Though i often wonder if we would have beeen friends in hs; if we went to the same school. Obviously, they are never going to take the place of my dear friends back home that have the ability to have fun wherever they go and no matter what situation they are in. I need someone like that, i need a best friend like katrina- where both of us can just understand eachother, where both of us get sheer joy of making a childish prank phonecall. Everyone is caught up in going to parties and getting wasted- screw that. Everyone is caught up in "being mature" when they really dont know what being mature is. Somedays, im so happy to have meet these people, bc i know they can be good friends- but other days im just so incredibly bored with what they have to offer and their pointless discussions about "love" and trying to define and understand it. I guess im just not the type of girl who day dreams about how winderful their wedding is going to be- and what their dress is going to look like. WHO GIVES A SHIT?! your 18 years old! fuck- go out and have fun. They need to stop dreaming about how wonderful their life is going to be and just DO IT. Anyways, i get very mixed opinions of my friends- surprisingly, i think i can relate most to rachel. She seems sensible and far more reasonable in regards to how she lifes her life...this is strange because when i first met her, i really didnt think we could ever be close. Kelly is cool but she needs to come down off of cloud 9, and live in reality. Im tired of hearing her and Carlie's mindless banter about how they want to have the pciture book, susie highchool type of romance. Maybe kelly just needs to get her heart broken and then she can realize that "dating the star quarterback" isnt everything in a relationship. I realize that everyone is different- so i have been able to accept their personalities and go along with it. But kelly isnt as "genuine" and "sweet" as she preaches herself to be. Thats all bullshit because the other day she said (this is a direct quote) "i think its ok to be superficial when your younger becuase it dosnt matter as much" - well screw that honey becuase how you begin to mold you life, is how you will turn out to be. And she comes off so short and rude sometimes- maybe she just dosnt realize its mean. And carlie---that poor girl is dealing with a broken heart now- but your really not going to get yourself anywhere by wallowing in your own depression. I guess im just tired of hearing them quote robert and elizabeth barrett browning, when i can only quote yoda. I have problems opening up to people in all forums. I cant open up in relationships, friendships, and writing- my mother always told me that a good writer is one who can give a little of themself in their pieces. Hopefully one day, i can get enough self confidence to do that and master it. So i realize that im not going to become close with anyone until i can open up and relate with them. I cant be that way in a new enviroment- i miss being able to just have someone always there who can understand me, there are only a few people who can do that: katrina foremost, chantal, sean and ashlee. I guess this is all apart of getting older, and learning to cope in new situations and enviroments. But for now- if you dont understand why i like to be alone- its bc im too tired to be phony- and act friendly when im really not feeling it. i just dont want people to think that becuase i like to be alone- dosnt mean i dont like to be around people. life would be soo lonely if there wasnt people and personalities to observe. I like to be along becuase I have been brought up to be independant- starting from when i was a child and i was forced to visit my grandma in france...so as depressing and anti- social as this entry makes me look- im really not. i love people, and i love to have fun...its just different from the drunken rage fun like most people here.
also- i dont know what to think of him. I HATE LIKING HIM, and i dont want to- but i cant force myself to do something that my emotions are against. i hate how he plays games and i hate how he hurts me- screw him.
and one more thing: i accidently filled out an application to target- bc i was bored waiting for my mother to exchange something and the compter was right there in my face- so i did it to take up time but by the time my mother was done- i had finished it, and for some reason i wrote all the correct information too. o well......
tate