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You Know You're From California When...
The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
You were born somewhere else.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Your car has bullet-proof windows.
Left is right and right is wrong.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
Your family tree contains "significant others."
You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
More than clothes come out of the closets.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
Smoking in your office is not optional.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
All highways into the state say: "no fruits."
All highways out of the state say: "Go back."
The Terminator is your governor
You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.
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You Know You're From the Bay Area When...
You get the same off-color email joke from 17 people in the same hour, and one of them is your wife.
Your "personal shopper" has become engaged to your "career coach".
You know that "taking the Nerd Bird" means you're flying to L.A ... for the 3rd time in a week.
You have a daughter named Meg and a son named URL.
You bought stock in Starbucks just for the free chocolate-covered coffee beans.
You recently built your children their first "tilt-up" concrete playhouse.
Almost all of the companies featured on your resume are no longer in business.
You make $120,000 a year, yet still can't find a place to live.
Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles away.
You live an hour or more from the office so that you can afford a larger house.
You spend more time in your office and car than in your house.
You stop asking how much things cost, but instead ask "how long will it take?"
Two-thirds of the people you know are from Boston or New York, but you are living in PST.
You know vast differences difference between Thai, Vietnemese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean food.
Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet.
You go to "The City" on weekends but don't live there because you like your car.
You think that "I'm going to Fry's" is an acceptable excuse to leave the office for a while, and your boss does too.
You lost your alarm clock, but you'll get to work when you get there.
You go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get into a fight over what flavor of Unix is better.
You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have hardware/software companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.
You know where Woz Way, Resistor Avenue, and Floppy Drive are located.
You know who and where Woz is.
You know that 280 North goes west and that 680 North goes east.
It rained ... and your birdbath fell over ... or your tree fell over ... or a utility pole fell over.
It rained ... and the spiders came in ... and the ants came in ... and the mice came in.
You realize that even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay Area, they only work on PowerPoint.
You see a billboard that says "FPG2ASIC" and understand what it means.
You can get the updated Diamond Monster 3D drivers by just walking across the street.
The phone company installed fiber-optic cable to your home but they can't afford to light it up.
You have more bandwidth inside your home than there is in most major universities.
Your wireless LAN is interfering with your wireless phone and your home automation system.
None of the people you work with are bible thumpers.
You get email from a co-worker at 10:00PM ... and you are both still in the office.
You scan yardsales for back issues of "Dr. Dobbs."
Your favorite computer reseller speaks only Cantonese.
Your workplace vending machines dispense "100% natural twig-bars" right next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.
No one brings radios to work because they listen to RealAudio.
There are more than six Z3s parked at your office during weekdays.
There are more than six Z3s parked at your office during weekends.
The Z3s are gradually turning into SUVs.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from the Bay Area.
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You Know You're Addicted to Harry Potter When...
You make a wand and try to use it.
You call your least favorite teacher Snape.
You call your favorite teacher Dumbledore.
You wear robes to school or work.
You make "floo powder", get in the fire, and try to go to your friends' house.
You have read all the books more than four times.
You've been bookstore at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book before all your friends.
... And then you stayed up all night wearing it.
You've worn a Harry Potter costume in public.
You have a crush on one of the Harry Potter characters.
You've gotten at least one of your friends addicted to Harry Potter.
You actually caught the "Wand Order" mistake before you heard/read about it.
You are upset at the New York Times for creating a seperate childrens best seller list because of the Harry Potter books.
Using clues in the book, you have attempted to find the exact geographical location of Hogwarts.
You have constructed a timeline of events in the Harry Potter books.
You have attempted to figure out the exact ages of all the Weasley children?
You have spent time contemplating which main characters will die by the time the series is over.
You've been to see all the Harry Potter movies on opening night. (Bonus points for standing in line in costume!)
You've read Harry Potter fanfic.
You've written Harry Potter fanfic.
You run a Harry Potter fansite.
You visit The Leaky Cauldron daily.
You've met other Harry Potter fans from online in real life.
You've participated in a Harry Potter RPG.
You've dreamed about Harry Potter.
You have a Harry Potter poster on your wall.
Each Halloween, there's no question what you'll dress up as...!
You've spent time doing a timeline to see if you would have been old enough to date a certain character when you were in high school.
You've vacationed to London, simply to search for the Leaky Cauldron.
You own a black lab named Sirius Black.
You've knitted a Weasley sweater or Harry Potter scarf.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Harry Potter.
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You Know You're Addicted to Photoshop When...
You see the world with one eye and stock images with the other.
When asked what the primary colors are, answer "RGB"
You get the urge to 'fix' poor quality images.
You start teaching your significant other to use this "evil" program and in the space of one afternoon convince them it's at least only quasi-evil in the face of PSP.
You ramble about a breakthrough in the piece you're doing to people who have no idea in hell what you're talking about
You ponder the meaning of existence without layers.
You never leave the house without a digicam and notepad.
You drop something and your brain tells you automatically "Ctrl-Z! Ctrl-Z!". When you realize it won't work, your brain tells you "Ctrl-Alt-Z! Ctrl-Alt-Z!"
You're getting dressed for something important and you look in the mirror and realize you would look so much better if you could just tweak the levels a little and apply a slight gaussian blur.
You stop on the street to rant about cheesey effects that should not be on professional posters.
You scream out fonts as they appear on TV.
You have dreams in "glowing edges"
You're standing by the ocean and wondering who used Ocean Ripple.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Photoshop.
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You Know You're Addicted to Ebay When...
Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you.
To cut costs, FedEx and UPS are considering relocating their operations centers to your house.
Sitting on the floor of your empty apartment, you stare at your fingers and wonder whether they'll sell better individually or as a matched set.
Your spouse is loving and caring but you decided to file for divorce because you need the storage space.
You're the reason they adopted the "No selling your children's vital organs" policy.
ou find yourself searching eBay auctions for milk, eggs and bread.
When your wife agrees to have sex with you, you become suspicious and ask how many other bidders there were.
Just ask your kids, eRay and eFaye.
After a particularly passionate night, you lean over and whisper in your spouse’s ear, "Excellent service, great communication! Would recommend again! AAAA++++"
You set your alarm clock for 3 am so you can log on to protect your bid.
You've called someone a naughty name for outbidding you at the last second.
You've questioned your sanity because of the price you've bid... more than once.
You've changed all your clocks to "eBay official time (PDT)."
You've bid on something even though the picture doesn't show up correctly.
You've purposely run up the bid on something similar for which you paid more.
You've rolled your eyes at the word "antique" or "vintage" used on something made in the past decade.
You've gritted your teeth each time you've clicked on a description that uses the word "L@@K."
You've turned up the volume on your email alert so you'll never miss an Outbid Notice.
You've made "My eBay" your default home page.
You've emailed a seller to correct their description with accurate dates or details.
You've come to rely on "convenience cash" from PayPal and wish you could pay all your bills like that.
You've earned a "Shooting Star" Feedback Profile for more than 10,000 purchases!
You won't go to estate auctions because they don't take PayPal.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Ebay.
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You Know You Drink Too Much When...
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.
You have a "happy hour" at home
When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?
You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land
Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car
"Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
Your favorite drink is ethanol.
"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!"
"I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender."
You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before
Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while
You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast
You frequently urinate outdoors.
When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.
You fall asleep taking a dump.
You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
You find it's easier to study drunk.
You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.
Beer ads make sense.
You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.
The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
You mix your cocktails by the litre.
You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
You can focus better with one eye closed
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
You fall off the floor.
You discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
The glass keeps missing your mouth.
Vampires get woozy after bitting you.
At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
"Take me drunk, I'm home!"
You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.
You drink to get over a hangover.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.
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You Know You're Addicted to Coffee When...
You can jump start your car without cables.
You answer the door before people knock.
You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.
You've worn out your third pair of shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open even when you sneeze.
You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
You can type sixty words per minute -- with your feet.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
Instant coffee takes too long to make.
You channel surf faster without the remote.
You don't sweat... you percolate.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
You short out motion detectors.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
The only time you are standing still is during an earthquake!
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
All your kids are named Joe.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
When someone asks 'How are you?' you say, 'Good to the last drop'.
You buy milk by the barrel.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
You don't tan, you roast.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
You ski uphill.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
You speed-walk in your sleep.
You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
You think being called a drip is a compliment.
You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.
Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
You take your morning coffee with you in the shower.
Your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to coffee.
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You Know You're Addicted to AIM When...
Three words: Carpal tunnel syndrome
You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences...
You're pissed off your buddy list can only hold 200 screen names
You begin to say hehehe instead of laughing
You can now type over 70 wpm
You type messages to people who are right next to you or on the phone with you.
You won't work at a company that blocks AIM
You sign on and immediately get 10 messages from other people
You have a few screen names, some of them secret.
You type in random screen names, just to see if anyone has them.
Your screenname has the year 2002 or earlier in it.
You know what %n means
You don't break for the bathroom - even though you've got to go real bad - until you think of a witty away message.
You check the away messages of your buddies, every day, to make sure they haven't changed.
You have a few people on your buddy list just to spy on them.
You've had a meaningful conversation with a bot.
You learned Photoshop to make a super cool buddy icon
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to AIM.
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You Are Best Described By...
Girl With Hair Ribbon
by Roy Lichtenstein
What Famous Work of Art Are You?
You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained
The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.
The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.
Are You Right or Left Brained?
You Are the Very Gay Velma!
She might not even realize it...
But Velma is all about Daphne ... not Fred!
What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?
Your EQ is 67
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.
What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?
Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton
You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door
With more than a touch of geekiness
Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?
You are 80% Aquarius
How much do you match your zodiac sign?
You Are a Pundit Blogger!
Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read.
Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.
What kind of blogger are you?
You Are a Martini
You're not a total lush, but you do like your drinks strong
For you, drinking is an art. An experience to be relished.
That doesn't mean you don't get really really drunk.
A few strong martini's, and you're dancing on the bar!
What alcoholic drink are you?
Your New Years Resolution Should Be: Tell your boss to screw off
Seriously. You know you really, really want to.
Life's too short to have a job you hate...
And though you may be a success, you're secretly miserable.
Time to try out a new career - maybe one involving g-strings?
What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be?
You Should Vote for Ralph Nader.
Sorry - Shirts and Shoes are Required in the Voting Booth.
Which presidential candidate should you vote for?
Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson
"Fall, with you I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath
I hope it lasts"
In 2004 you fell in love. Let's hope it lasts.
What 2004 Hit Song Are You?
You Are In a Decent Mood
You aren't turning cartwheels, but you're having a pretty good day.
Some ups, some downs, but overall you're coming out ahead.
And who knows? Tomorrow could be even better!
What Mood Are You In?
You Belong in the UK
Blimey!
A little proper, a little saucy.
You're so witty and charming...
No one notices your curry breath
What English Speaking Country Do You Belong In?
Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male
You have a total boy brain
Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts
And while your emotions do sway you sometimes...
You never like to get feelings too involved
What Gender Is Your Brain?
You Are 65% Redneck
You're just about as welcome up in town as a hair in a biscuit.
Ain't no hidin' your redneck roots!
How Redneck Are You?
You Scored 30% Correct
You know some 80s stuff
Like that Paula Abdul was a star back then
But you're not sure who Suzie Q was
And you don't know what Samantha Fox was really famous for!
How Much Do You Know About 80s Music?
Your Linguistic Profile:
35% Dixie
25% Yankee
20% General American English
10% Midwestern
10% Upper Midwestern
What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
You Were Actually Born Under:
You have both a fiery energy and a warm heart.
Your charisma and charm makes it easy for you to influence others.
Lucky in life, you also have a reputation of being lucky in love.
Power hungry, you are determined to get what you want - no matter what it takes.
You are most compatible with a Monkey or Rat.You Should Have Been Born Under:
You've got a ton of energy - and need plenty of room to roam.
You tend to follow your whims, and it's hard for you to stick to one thing.
Specific jobs, loves, and friends are always changing and never a part of your life for long.
Very intuitive, you tend to know what people are thinking before they say a word.
You are most compatible with a Dog or Tiger.
What Year Were You Born Under?
Your Dominant Thinking Style:
Exploring
You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.
An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world.Your Secondary Thinking Style:
Visioning
You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.
An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.
What's Your Thinking Style?