trust
Wat is trust? Its a combination of being truthful, honest and not keeping things from each other..
But tonight.. I wasnt able to be completely truthful.. I wasnt really lying when i say i'm tired.. Just that its not physically tired.. Its mentally breaking down...
Today is a day i want to forget.. As much as i can... I saw too many things that were not meant for me.. Its not anything serious.. But it just betrayed the 200 percent trust i had in you...
First... Were the messages.. Its not meant for me.. But i saw them accidently.. I know u kept it from me coz u knew i'll be unhappy.. But have u ever thought of the consequences if i were to find out myself? Will i ever again, be able to trust that when u go meet the guys, its really the guys??? I dont think so... I felt as if someone threw a brick on me when i saw those messages.. Its meant nothing to u.. But it mean the world to me that u dont hide anything from me......
It was then i knew i had to find out everything... When u were out smoking, i went to look for clues in your beloved computer.. I need to know if u are keeping anymore things from me... I clicked on her.. And the window popped up.. "thanks for listening" "no prob.. We are old friends.."
i felt my heart drop.. Again... What is it that u cant tell me? And i guess the only topic u cant really discuss.. Is about me... I was shaking when i click on the view the whole history tab.. I couldn't bring myself to read all.. Just 2 sentences and thats enough.. "sometimes i wish i can do things on my own.. But i dont know how to tell her.." "only my mom understand.." i couldnt exactly remb the exact words.. But thats the meaning...
And why of all ppl... Your ex? I am only human.. I have feelings.. i am fucking jealous why u choose to tell her.. Not me for fuck sake.. Is she the one you are going out with? Will she be able to settle this problem? Am i really such a fucked up person that u cant tell me u need more space? just say it in my fucking face u need space and i'll understand and back off.. But no.. Of all ppl.. Her.. U had to tell her..
Kenneth once told me.. If cindy choose to tell a guy about the problems he had with cindy, it will mean that she's giving the guy a chance to know wats wrong and if the guy is interested in her, he will just use it to go between them...
I totally agree with this theory..
So what are you trying to do now?
I couldnt really breath.... I thought i found my soulmate.. Someone.. Whom i can trust.. I told him my deepest secrets.. Pesonal and most private things.. I talked to him abt my bro more than anyone else.. I trusted him more than anyone else... And here he is.. throwing away all that we have built up...
I thought he was different...
And here i am.. Crying on the bus again as i type all these on my power smartphone.. I feel so shattered.. Once again.. I feel the stab in my heart.. I am speechless and cold..
It takes 100 years to build the trust.. But only 10 seconds to shatter it...
I hate the world....
But tonight.. I wasnt able to be completely truthful.. I wasnt really lying when i say i'm tired.. Just that its not physically tired.. Its mentally breaking down...
Today is a day i want to forget.. As much as i can... I saw too many things that were not meant for me.. Its not anything serious.. But it just betrayed the 200 percent trust i had in you...
First... Were the messages.. Its not meant for me.. But i saw them accidently.. I know u kept it from me coz u knew i'll be unhappy.. But have u ever thought of the consequences if i were to find out myself? Will i ever again, be able to trust that when u go meet the guys, its really the guys??? I dont think so... I felt as if someone threw a brick on me when i saw those messages.. Its meant nothing to u.. But it mean the world to me that u dont hide anything from me......
It was then i knew i had to find out everything... When u were out smoking, i went to look for clues in your beloved computer.. I need to know if u are keeping anymore things from me... I clicked on her.. And the window popped up.. "thanks for listening" "no prob.. We are old friends.."
i felt my heart drop.. Again... What is it that u cant tell me? And i guess the only topic u cant really discuss.. Is about me... I was shaking when i click on the view the whole history tab.. I couldn't bring myself to read all.. Just 2 sentences and thats enough.. "sometimes i wish i can do things on my own.. But i dont know how to tell her.." "only my mom understand.." i couldnt exactly remb the exact words.. But thats the meaning...
And why of all ppl... Your ex? I am only human.. I have feelings.. i am fucking jealous why u choose to tell her.. Not me for fuck sake.. Is she the one you are going out with? Will she be able to settle this problem? Am i really such a fucked up person that u cant tell me u need more space? just say it in my fucking face u need space and i'll understand and back off.. But no.. Of all ppl.. Her.. U had to tell her..
Kenneth once told me.. If cindy choose to tell a guy about the problems he had with cindy, it will mean that she's giving the guy a chance to know wats wrong and if the guy is interested in her, he will just use it to go between them...
I totally agree with this theory..
So what are you trying to do now?
I couldnt really breath.... I thought i found my soulmate.. Someone.. Whom i can trust.. I told him my deepest secrets.. Pesonal and most private things.. I talked to him abt my bro more than anyone else.. I trusted him more than anyone else... And here he is.. throwing away all that we have built up...
I thought he was different...
And here i am.. Crying on the bus again as i type all these on my power smartphone.. I feel so shattered.. Once again.. I feel the stab in my heart.. I am speechless and cold..
It takes 100 years to build the trust.. But only 10 seconds to shatter it...
I hate the world....