jealous.....=(
oh man.. i was reading baby's old old old super old blog.. and i'm feeling super jealous when he blog abt this girl he used to like in poly!!!!!! usually i'll just laugh it off.. i mean.. who doesnt have a past... but.. i got really jealous.. and i seriously have no idea why..... i used to blog abt my ex all the time.. but... why am i feeling this bitter!!!! its like a big fat clamp clamping my heart.. i cant breathe eh... hummm.. i must be going crazy soon... i.. really fall badly this time...... totally and irrevocably......... it felt so good when you know the one u are crazy about, feels the same way about you... i love it when he is so sensitive to my feelings.. the way he show his love for me.. its like.. something that is so obvious to everyone.. without him saying anything.. just like the way i can feel his love for his mom.. that strong feeling.. is so obvious.. ok.. anyhow.. i know limited words.. but u get the picture?
these few nights, my imagination got worst... and i start to suspect i'm sinking into depression.. i cry for no reason and i start to hate looking at myself in the mirror.. i think of all kind of ways to hurt myself... its scary... these few nights, i kept seeing images of accidents... i really wish baby can give up riding.... whenever he's on the road alone.. i'll think of all kinda things.. and when i'm his pillion, i even think of things like it all doesnt matter now.. i have no more regrets.... its scary... real scary when u have thoughts of dying all the time... but of coz.. i think to be normal.. not wanting to scare any of them... and i cant slp at night..... i used to be gone by 1130.... but now... i just cant slp well anymore...
ah well.... gonna do some reading.. to try induce me to slp.......
these few nights, my imagination got worst... and i start to suspect i'm sinking into depression.. i cry for no reason and i start to hate looking at myself in the mirror.. i think of all kind of ways to hurt myself... its scary... these few nights, i kept seeing images of accidents... i really wish baby can give up riding.... whenever he's on the road alone.. i'll think of all kinda things.. and when i'm his pillion, i even think of things like it all doesnt matter now.. i have no more regrets.... its scary... real scary when u have thoughts of dying all the time... but of coz.. i think to be normal.. not wanting to scare any of them... and i cant slp at night..... i used to be gone by 1130.... but now... i just cant slp well anymore...
ah well.... gonna do some reading.. to try induce me to slp.......