New found freedom
For the first time I feel free. I’m hurt, but at the same time feel so free. This new found freedom can be scary at times, but I know I have the strength to get through it. Plus I’m glade I have all my friends here to help me and talk to me and totally help me to the next step of my life. During the days I feel fine, but it is those lonely nights where my mind takes me back to the old times. At the end of crying I’ll always understand it was for the best. I never felt like it was totally right, and it wasn’t fair. I realized love and having a relationship should not be that hard. It should flow and things should just fit together. Don’t get me wrong, there are the occasional fights now and than, but what I meant was when you look at the bigger picture, it should fit. I never understood the feeling when I hear, “if it is right you will know it”. I guess at the end I finally learn why I couldn’t understand it. I just never felt that feeling yet. These days I have thought a lot about stuff I really need to catch up on. Well, one thing I realized was I stop writing in here; I totally ignored how I felt. I have always worried about his feelings and just figured mines just didn’t matter anymore. I was told to put the other person first, but in that process not only did I not get much in return, I totally dismissed my own feeling. Because I did that my self-esteem shot down. I guess I’m in that process of building it up again. Bringing myself to where I used to me or yet, to a much better place than ever. This whole journey taught me to understand how much self respect I have for myself that I have always hidden away, and how much I have to show it. Because if I don’t even respect who I am, who am I to ask someone else to respect me. I know only time can take the tears and pain away, but everything else; I have the power to change it for the better. I’ve been stuck in the same place for years now, and now it is my time to shine and show everyone what I can do and be. Even if it isn’t to show people, what really matters is showing me I can step out and get through it.