(no subject)
Today was Sunday Funday. I feel weird not going back to UNT yet. I don't know exactly what I'm doing. I hope I'm making the right choices; right now I feel like I think I'm groping around a dark room frantically for a switch, even though the truth is that I'm blind (and there is no darkness but the darkness we're all lost in.)
I want to walk outside for a bit, but it's too hot; we have to wait for the sun to go down a little more. The other day Annie ran into a snake on her walk with Jon, a copperhead (I think?) They're not really poisonous, but nobody really wants to get bitten by anything...the bugs here at night are immense, clouds of them flying at every animated object and spark of light flaring.
Sometimes I get reminded of how far I am from where I began; I can't decide what's more alien to me, the oppressive heat and sun and humidity, or the harsh winds howling unimpeded across the flat lands and coyotes howling while they wait to ravage the garbage cans in our development.
I finished my CNA class. It feels odd to me not to be getting ready to wake up at 5 am and head to the nursing home. It changed me a lot, I think; I don't know if I'm too sensitive to do that job. I just couldn't stand looking in the faces of the people I was trying to help and couldn't. Most of them locked away inside their fading minds and rotting reality, fighting us because we must seem like enemies brought to inflict pain. I don't think I will ever get Sandy's* eyes out of my head as she cried out and gripped my arm as I tried helplessly to dress her. Or Mrs. Heartwater's* refusals to eat anything at all of the meals we assisted her with, her gentle face set resolutely against sustenance as she mouthed words she no longered remembered how to speak.
I think I'm going to try to get a job in home health or assisted living. Total care is too emotionally involving for me...
Today I saw District 9, which I thought was really interesting despite all the plot holes...I wish they had made it a little longer just to wrap it up better, but that's probably just them leaving it open for a sequel.
Tomorrow I have my CPR class, then I'm going to my (hopefully) future school to speak to financial aid again, and then I am going to Denton to see my friends. Hopefully it will be a good day...
Hopefully everything will work out.
*not their real names
I want to walk outside for a bit, but it's too hot; we have to wait for the sun to go down a little more. The other day Annie ran into a snake on her walk with Jon, a copperhead (I think?) They're not really poisonous, but nobody really wants to get bitten by anything...the bugs here at night are immense, clouds of them flying at every animated object and spark of light flaring.
Sometimes I get reminded of how far I am from where I began; I can't decide what's more alien to me, the oppressive heat and sun and humidity, or the harsh winds howling unimpeded across the flat lands and coyotes howling while they wait to ravage the garbage cans in our development.
I finished my CNA class. It feels odd to me not to be getting ready to wake up at 5 am and head to the nursing home. It changed me a lot, I think; I don't know if I'm too sensitive to do that job. I just couldn't stand looking in the faces of the people I was trying to help and couldn't. Most of them locked away inside their fading minds and rotting reality, fighting us because we must seem like enemies brought to inflict pain. I don't think I will ever get Sandy's* eyes out of my head as she cried out and gripped my arm as I tried helplessly to dress her. Or Mrs. Heartwater's* refusals to eat anything at all of the meals we assisted her with, her gentle face set resolutely against sustenance as she mouthed words she no longered remembered how to speak.
I think I'm going to try to get a job in home health or assisted living. Total care is too emotionally involving for me...
Today I saw District 9, which I thought was really interesting despite all the plot holes...I wish they had made it a little longer just to wrap it up better, but that's probably just them leaving it open for a sequel.
Tomorrow I have my CPR class, then I'm going to my (hopefully) future school to speak to financial aid again, and then I am going to Denton to see my friends. Hopefully it will be a good day...
Hopefully everything will work out.
*not their real names