Remembrance.
Remembrance.
Sunday, March 23, 2003.
Just another lost soul to chuck in to the penny pot. That's probably what they thought. I could feel them all.. staring at me. Almost as if they all were laughing. It was okay. It would all be over with, soon enough. I could go to my room, and lay in the dark, just like I'd done, night after night. Staring out the barred windows, sorting through the ways to escape. I shouldn't, I thought to myself, I only had three weeks to go, and then it would be done, and I could stand in front of the judge, and say, I did it. The tears swamped my finger tips like cold rain washing over an icy ocean. I felt like water, if only I was. I'd wash myself away from their mocking glare.. I knew, none of them liked me. Though, I didn't understand why. Probably because I was the only kid there who was different. I wore big clothes and had colored hair and make up. I didn't strive to be like them. And for that, they hated me. The workers were no better. They seen it the same. Another kid, another check. I remember my first day there, there was a girl named Mary. I liked her a lot. I had met her first. As she came down the stairs in an over sized pink sleeveless sleep shirt, and short, soft blue shorts. Her light hair tossed from side to side, and her feet dragged tiredly. Immediately they threw a thermometer in her mouth. It seems, they were rather strict on their stay home from school policy's. There were eight girls, and me. Many came and left. Though few, like myself, got stuck, and stayed.
My heart begun skipping beats again, as I inhaled sharply, wiping away the tears, that soon were replaced with more. I can still feel the harshness of the rug, as I curled up on it, and against the wall. One of the workers were yelling at me to get off the stairs, but.. I didn't care. Her voice drifted away from me as soon as it came, though I knew she was still nose to nose yelling at me. It wouldn't matter, maybe they would send me to the doctors again, and I could have my own room, and sleep peacefully. I held my chest now, my heart was slowing dramatically. Was this because of me? I didn't know, the only thing I did know was that it hurt, a lot. They decided they were no longer to be " Fooled, " as they called it, but it was no joke. The hallway was blackening. And I watched the dull yellow paint fade out of my site. Well, now, that wasn't any good. And then I was gone. There were more voices around me, but those to were to quiet. I remembered being carried. But to where?
A tall old man stared down at me and shook his head. Scared the living shit out of me, is what he did. The doctor from the medical center. Of course they wouldn't have taken me off base to a real doctor. My arm was swollen, with a few Band-Aids on it. More shots I guessed. Oh well, wouldn't make a difference to me. I just went back to sleep. I didn't want to be apart of it any more. I didn't even want to know.
I tell myself now days that.. ' Happiness is the choice of your own virtues ' But some times, I'm just not to sure.
Sunday, March 23, 2003.
Just another lost soul to chuck in to the penny pot. That's probably what they thought. I could feel them all.. staring at me. Almost as if they all were laughing. It was okay. It would all be over with, soon enough. I could go to my room, and lay in the dark, just like I'd done, night after night. Staring out the barred windows, sorting through the ways to escape. I shouldn't, I thought to myself, I only had three weeks to go, and then it would be done, and I could stand in front of the judge, and say, I did it. The tears swamped my finger tips like cold rain washing over an icy ocean. I felt like water, if only I was. I'd wash myself away from their mocking glare.. I knew, none of them liked me. Though, I didn't understand why. Probably because I was the only kid there who was different. I wore big clothes and had colored hair and make up. I didn't strive to be like them. And for that, they hated me. The workers were no better. They seen it the same. Another kid, another check. I remember my first day there, there was a girl named Mary. I liked her a lot. I had met her first. As she came down the stairs in an over sized pink sleeveless sleep shirt, and short, soft blue shorts. Her light hair tossed from side to side, and her feet dragged tiredly. Immediately they threw a thermometer in her mouth. It seems, they were rather strict on their stay home from school policy's. There were eight girls, and me. Many came and left. Though few, like myself, got stuck, and stayed.
My heart begun skipping beats again, as I inhaled sharply, wiping away the tears, that soon were replaced with more. I can still feel the harshness of the rug, as I curled up on it, and against the wall. One of the workers were yelling at me to get off the stairs, but.. I didn't care. Her voice drifted away from me as soon as it came, though I knew she was still nose to nose yelling at me. It wouldn't matter, maybe they would send me to the doctors again, and I could have my own room, and sleep peacefully. I held my chest now, my heart was slowing dramatically. Was this because of me? I didn't know, the only thing I did know was that it hurt, a lot. They decided they were no longer to be " Fooled, " as they called it, but it was no joke. The hallway was blackening. And I watched the dull yellow paint fade out of my site. Well, now, that wasn't any good. And then I was gone. There were more voices around me, but those to were to quiet. I remembered being carried. But to where?
A tall old man stared down at me and shook his head. Scared the living shit out of me, is what he did. The doctor from the medical center. Of course they wouldn't have taken me off base to a real doctor. My arm was swollen, with a few Band-Aids on it. More shots I guessed. Oh well, wouldn't make a difference to me. I just went back to sleep. I didn't want to be apart of it any more. I didn't even want to know.
I tell myself now days that.. ' Happiness is the choice of your own virtues ' But some times, I'm just not to sure.