*opens a door* what's behind it?
"So this is odd, the painful realization that has all gone wrong. And nobody cares at all, and nobody cares at all. So you buried all your lover's clothes and burned the letters lover wrote, but it doesn't make it any better. Does it make it any better? And the plaster dented from your fist in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that the memories will fade. So this is strange, our side stepping has come to be a brilliant dance where nobody leads at all, where nobody leads at all. And the picture frames are facing down and the ringing from this empty sound is deafening and keeping you from sleep. And breathing is a foreign task and thinking's just too much to ask and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights. This is incredible. Starving, insatiable, yes, this is love for the first time. Well you'd like to think that you were invincible. Yeah, well weren't we all once, before we felt loss for the first time? Well this is the last time..."
I'm hiding my tears only behind this monitor, and if it becomes any worse I'm afraid people will start to notice. I'm stressed it sucks. I of all people really need Christmas break to get here NOW! Last night, I sat on my bed waiting for Joe to get done helping a friend, and I just passed out. My mom woke me about a half hour later. I was completely pissed off at myself.
I went to bed with a smile on my face. *10 minute pause* I just talked to Michelle. she made me feel a little bit better. I got out some frustration, btu in a calm good way. I woke up to an annoying alarm clock, and I turned on my monitor to find... tragedy. my computer was bombarded with microsoft internet explorer pages, about 20 of them. they partially froze up my computer. only to see Joe's IM about Jesse IMing him. that just threw a hurricane my way. I feel betrayed. I feel that I have now lost everything. I could be wrong. I could be making more of this than there is, but with my luck or lack of it, I just have a feeling that all has gone wrong.
I hate this!!! Am I such a bad person!? I try so hard... SO FUCKING HARD, even when everything is just tearing me apart. I cared too much, yet not enough. Why is it I get guilt trips and betrayl when I finally stand up for myself! Is it a sin to want to be happy!?!?! Is it such a sin to find myself a bit of happiness when my world is crumbling, and yet I get nothing but grief about it! I'm sorry! I am so FUCKING SORRY!
I feel like my flotation device has poped and I am now drowning, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. With no will or strength to attempt to swim back up. It's like I've got stones in my pockets, and gravel in my heart.
what happened to my courage from last night? how can words just pierce my heart so bad as to leave me breathless?
please tell me everything is okay...
I'm hiding my tears only behind this monitor, and if it becomes any worse I'm afraid people will start to notice. I'm stressed it sucks. I of all people really need Christmas break to get here NOW! Last night, I sat on my bed waiting for Joe to get done helping a friend, and I just passed out. My mom woke me about a half hour later. I was completely pissed off at myself.
I went to bed with a smile on my face. *10 minute pause* I just talked to Michelle. she made me feel a little bit better. I got out some frustration, btu in a calm good way. I woke up to an annoying alarm clock, and I turned on my monitor to find... tragedy. my computer was bombarded with microsoft internet explorer pages, about 20 of them. they partially froze up my computer. only to see Joe's IM about Jesse IMing him. that just threw a hurricane my way. I feel betrayed. I feel that I have now lost everything. I could be wrong. I could be making more of this than there is, but with my luck or lack of it, I just have a feeling that all has gone wrong.
I hate this!!! Am I such a bad person!? I try so hard... SO FUCKING HARD, even when everything is just tearing me apart. I cared too much, yet not enough. Why is it I get guilt trips and betrayl when I finally stand up for myself! Is it a sin to want to be happy!?!?! Is it such a sin to find myself a bit of happiness when my world is crumbling, and yet I get nothing but grief about it! I'm sorry! I am so FUCKING SORRY!
I feel like my flotation device has poped and I am now drowning, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. With no will or strength to attempt to swim back up. It's like I've got stones in my pockets, and gravel in my heart.
what happened to my courage from last night? how can words just pierce my heart so bad as to leave me breathless?
please tell me everything is okay...