(no subject)
So im sitting here crying...
in my new house...in my new room...on my new computer...watching my new tv...my new boyfriend just left...and im going to go sleep in my new bed...and wear my new clothes tomorrow...and watch my new brother...while my new mom is at work...
so why is someone who has everything they could want be crying...maybe its because they did not want all of this...its was a split second decision they made to get out of a life threatening situation...but whos lives were being threatened...mine and my sisters by my mom or by my suicidlal brother... or my mothers life by the threat of her daughters becoming more independent than they were supposed to be.
So im loving the freedom of my new life...although it is the same freedom of my old one...only without consequences after "hanging out with the wrong people" or coming home to late. I had fun one summer and actually acted like a teenager and because my life stayed fun and I could balance going to school, work, and having a life all at the same time, my mother could not handle me (and sometimes my sister) not being around constantly...she would have explosive fits of rage and violence, throw things, hit me, take away my truck that i payed her $170 a month just to insure, make up useless problems to dwell on and drag everyone around her in on it. Every conversation ended with how i was going to throw me life away if i didn't get a 100% scholarship to go to college. After making a massive scene infront of Beka (a past witness) and andrew (who has never seen her antics) i fled the scene discretly, with my sister covering it up for 2 minutes until i could run around the block and call someone to take me away from the neighborhood before she had the police after me. The next morning she found me at ryan and mitchs after going to Bekas and making a scene and getting told off by misty. She dragged me to the car and took me home and during the 30 second drive she screamed about everything she possibly could. When i got home i had to leave before I went absolutly insane or killed her. Kim called our father and told him he needed to come get us. We packed our clothes and anything else we wanted and passed them through her bedroom window onto our airiconditioner so she could not tell what we were doing. Kim was outside opening the gate when my mom came in and screamed "why is your father here" so she walked away unscathed. But I was in the house on the other hand, and as I was walking out the door i was pulled back into the house by my hair and had "why are you leaving" repeadly screamed in my face, and all I could do was cry, breakdown and cry. Why did I have to do this to my own mother? but better yet why did she have to do this to us? She had to know why we were leaving and if she didn't it was because she was in denial. Once i escaped her grip I ran to my dads truck and we drove off.
now my sister is helplessly locked up in beach house. there is nothing i can do, nothing anyone can do except for my mother. I have tried to help her, tried and tried over and over again but anything I do, as long as is involves my mother has never and will never be good enough. I hope shes happy now, i will never speak to her again, i find it impossible to see her without becoming enraged and screaming at her. She will not even see me at her funeral.
will fill in the past 3 months later.
in my new house...in my new room...on my new computer...watching my new tv...my new boyfriend just left...and im going to go sleep in my new bed...and wear my new clothes tomorrow...and watch my new brother...while my new mom is at work...
so why is someone who has everything they could want be crying...maybe its because they did not want all of this...its was a split second decision they made to get out of a life threatening situation...but whos lives were being threatened...mine and my sisters by my mom or by my suicidlal brother... or my mothers life by the threat of her daughters becoming more independent than they were supposed to be.
So im loving the freedom of my new life...although it is the same freedom of my old one...only without consequences after "hanging out with the wrong people" or coming home to late. I had fun one summer and actually acted like a teenager and because my life stayed fun and I could balance going to school, work, and having a life all at the same time, my mother could not handle me (and sometimes my sister) not being around constantly...she would have explosive fits of rage and violence, throw things, hit me, take away my truck that i payed her $170 a month just to insure, make up useless problems to dwell on and drag everyone around her in on it. Every conversation ended with how i was going to throw me life away if i didn't get a 100% scholarship to go to college. After making a massive scene infront of Beka (a past witness) and andrew (who has never seen her antics) i fled the scene discretly, with my sister covering it up for 2 minutes until i could run around the block and call someone to take me away from the neighborhood before she had the police after me. The next morning she found me at ryan and mitchs after going to Bekas and making a scene and getting told off by misty. She dragged me to the car and took me home and during the 30 second drive she screamed about everything she possibly could. When i got home i had to leave before I went absolutly insane or killed her. Kim called our father and told him he needed to come get us. We packed our clothes and anything else we wanted and passed them through her bedroom window onto our airiconditioner so she could not tell what we were doing. Kim was outside opening the gate when my mom came in and screamed "why is your father here" so she walked away unscathed. But I was in the house on the other hand, and as I was walking out the door i was pulled back into the house by my hair and had "why are you leaving" repeadly screamed in my face, and all I could do was cry, breakdown and cry. Why did I have to do this to my own mother? but better yet why did she have to do this to us? She had to know why we were leaving and if she didn't it was because she was in denial. Once i escaped her grip I ran to my dads truck and we drove off.
now my sister is helplessly locked up in beach house. there is nothing i can do, nothing anyone can do except for my mother. I have tried to help her, tried and tried over and over again but anything I do, as long as is involves my mother has never and will never be good enough. I hope shes happy now, i will never speak to her again, i find it impossible to see her without becoming enraged and screaming at her. She will not even see me at her funeral.
will fill in the past 3 months later.