man oh man
i havent updated a real entry in such a long time, but i also havent really had anything intresting to write about either. anyways, im going for an interview at california pizza kitchen today to try and get a job cause im seriously needing one so i can get my car, which is soo not cool, but hey. oh well.
ive been thinking a lot lately about how i feel towards people and what i believe and what i want out of like, and i realized i have no idea what i want really. i just know that i realized a lot more stuff about my family and myself and my friends then i ever thought i would and i know that ive grown becuase of it and im more mature about some things, but also way immature about almost as many things. i also have come to realize that i dont feel like i have any real connections to this place anymore. i thought i did over the summer and missed being here, but then i got back and i realized that it was not what i wanted. i dont know what i want, but i know that i dont want to be here. i feel like ive overstayed my visit. like, im stuck here with no options, and it feels like a cage. like im trapped here. the only thing thats really keeping me here are my brothers. i feel like i cant leave them after my dad left us. it would be waay too selfish, but right now thats all i want to do, just get out of here. i know i would get homesick sometimes, but i could live with that because it would be inferior to how i feel now. and i know it will only get worse. oh well, all this complaining isnt doing anything productive so ill stop here. my life could be waay worse and i know i should be happy with my life, and i am happy, its just that, i feel like somethings pulling me towards something and all i want to do is let go and let it take me where it wants too.
well, thats all i guess.
love.
ive been thinking a lot lately about how i feel towards people and what i believe and what i want out of like, and i realized i have no idea what i want really. i just know that i realized a lot more stuff about my family and myself and my friends then i ever thought i would and i know that ive grown becuase of it and im more mature about some things, but also way immature about almost as many things. i also have come to realize that i dont feel like i have any real connections to this place anymore. i thought i did over the summer and missed being here, but then i got back and i realized that it was not what i wanted. i dont know what i want, but i know that i dont want to be here. i feel like ive overstayed my visit. like, im stuck here with no options, and it feels like a cage. like im trapped here. the only thing thats really keeping me here are my brothers. i feel like i cant leave them after my dad left us. it would be waay too selfish, but right now thats all i want to do, just get out of here. i know i would get homesick sometimes, but i could live with that because it would be inferior to how i feel now. and i know it will only get worse. oh well, all this complaining isnt doing anything productive so ill stop here. my life could be waay worse and i know i should be happy with my life, and i am happy, its just that, i feel like somethings pulling me towards something and all i want to do is let go and let it take me where it wants too.
well, thats all i guess.
love.