Everything is goin down the toilet
Why is it that when 1 thing goes wrong, 10 million things have to follow ir? It seems like in the past few months, eveything is turning to shit. And I am so sick of it. It all started when I quit my job. I mean eveything was going ok before I did that, but I was miserable. Now I am even more miserable than I was before. I mean since then, I have no money, the bank is calling me constantly, my boyfriend decided that he doesnt love me anymore, and it seems like I am not as good of friends with my 2 best friends as I used to be. It just doesnt seem like we are as close as we once were. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. But I know itsnot going to. I have never felt as depressed as I am right now. I have thoughts of killing myself more than I should. Like every night before I go to bed, that is what I am thinking of. Different ways to do it. And I feel like I cant talk to anyone abour it. I want to talk to my friemds about it, but I dont like bringing everyone down. i keep it inside. and i know that is bad to do but I cant help it. when i am feeling like this, it seems like the littlest thing can bring me down. the stupidest thing too. like if someone is introducing me to someone and they say this is my best friend anne, this is leah, and this is jessica. i thought I was a best friend. see that is stupid. i just feel like everytime i am around her, she is annoyed by my presence. and no matter who i am with, i always feel like the 3rd wheel. for some reason, i cant be outgoing like i used to be. i used to be able to talk to people. i cant do that anymore. i wish i could. and how i feel about myself...i used to be ok with how i looked. there are times now that i cant stand looking in the mirror. right now i feel like i am seriously the most disgusting person in the world. i want to feel pretty. i want people to think i am. but my self confidence has gone down hill. I dont know when it started but i want it to stop. i dont like feeling this way. and i dont know what to do anymore. i need help.