Dilemmaaaaa
Sooo here's the thing. During Senior Week when I was in high school we had a Senior Picnic at High Meadows. Chicopee Comp had theirs the same day. I was dancing under the tent where the dj was and the song "Party Like A Rockstar" by the Eastside Boys came on. This guy named Ricky from Comp came over and started dancing with me. We exchanged phone numbers and we started dating. A while later, I'm not sure how long he broke up with me because his family didn't like me. (I then started dating Josh ew but thats besides the point). I went off to college and continued dating Josh on and off for about a year. He broke up with me when I moved to New York because it was hard long distance. Then I moved back to MA for 2 weeks. And then moved to Maine. Josh then called me and we started talking again. I had a week off from work so I went and visited him and ended up staying with him. Butttt, for some reason out of the blue, I texted Ricky. He was really excited that I texted him because he had lost my number. He wanted me back and I said yes. Unfortunately, I had to go back up to Maine, but we continued dating and started talking about marriage. We had a possible place and date, and he even had my engagement ring. However, when he came to visit me in Maine, he was acting suspicious, taking phone calls outside, and yada yada. So at night when he fell asleep I took his phone, and looked through his text messages. He was cheating on me with another girl named Tiffany. I would have overlooked and gotten past it but he for some reason decided to not stay with me. I have never felt as much hurt as the hurt he has put me through. Now, before I moved back to MA, I had sex with a girl a couple times. I was frustrated with boys, and with good reason. Next, I moved back to MA, and I was driving to visit my friend Jenn at work. I ended up driving past Josh. I stopped, we talked, we got back together. We were supposed to get an apartment together with 2 of our friends, but he pissed me off sooo much that I told him fuck you and I cheated on him, with him still being in the same house. Yeahhh, that was a poor choice. But, it gets worse. He broke up with me on Thanksgiving, and the next day, Jenn, who is one of my best friends, started dating him. However, it didn't last long because she didn't want to betray me anymore. And now we're friends again. Okayyy, next. The day after Thanksgiving, Dale, Josh's uncle, introduced me to Anthony, a sweet, kind, mature, 21 year old. We started dating and on the 14th of December he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, and we've been together ever since. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever known, and he's really good to me. Brings me out to dinner, movies, whatever I want to do. However, as much as a good guy he is, I don't feel any physical attraction to him. Like for his birthday, which is tomorrow by the way, he wants a blow job. And okay, blow jobs aren't my favorite thing, but I can do it. But the thought of giving him one, or having sex with him, just kinda weirds me out. Now, I thought, that this feeling of unattraction would go away after a while. But when he kisses me, I feel nothing. ENTER RICKY. I was walking to work on Monday and he ended up going past me in his sister's car. He didn't even know I was back in MA. But he didn't stop or anything and I just kept walking. Then yesterday, as I'm walking to work again, he drives past me again. Not in his truck, which surprised was why I was so surprised in the first place, I was always watching for his truck. He stopped and gave me a ride to work. He gave me his new cell number, and later he picked me up from work. He tells me he regrets what he did to me, and that he wants to wake up to my face every morning. He wants me back and still wants to marry me. So, this is where the dilemma is. Do I stay with the guy that is too sweet to ever hurt me, but that I feel no physical attraction too? Or do I get back together with the guy, who has hurt me so bad that I wanted to curl up and die every night, but who I love soooo much, and take another chance with my heart, which couldn't survive another break by him?