(no subject)
i'm home in durham for break. in all honesty, i think, and am glad, im going to live in gboro this summer. i mean, i spent a long time in durham and i love some of the people here, but most of them live elsewhere now. and, durham is super lame. everything closes early and there's really not many places to just hang out, except for cosmic, but you can really only go there just but so many times, and it's way better when it's nice out and you can sit outside on the deck. i had a great night tonight hanging out with erin and sam, having out reUUnion (yeah, we went there.) but yeah, lots of shit is happening and i havent really felt the need to update this very seriously for a long. so many things that i would want to say would take a lot of explination, and i don't feel like taking the time to do that.
by the way, i'd like to say-- officially, sam durrett and i are the same person. now, this time it's because we both independently thought of how harry potter is probably going to end, or at least what happens (part of what happens) in the seventh book, and we thought of the same thing. if you want to know our theory, ask me sometime. i'm not going to just put it on here in case you dont want to hear it, b/c unlike some assholes i know (ZACHARY ADAM MADARA), i don't want to ruin anything about harry potter for anyone.
i'm done with a semester of college. being able to say that makes me feel pretty pround and accomplished. i mean, it's not much, but it's definitely a good start, and the first year, i've heard, is the hardest. not in terms of work, obviously, but it's just when a LOT of people drop out.
today i realized that i try to not look forward to things sometimes. i just hate being disappointed so much, and i feel like i'm often disappointed in things, so i guess i just try to trick myself into not expecting things. today i was thinking about something that was a pretty sure thing, but then i thought, you know, it's not a sure thing. there really isn't a SURE thing. just very likely. i was unexcited when i realized that i was prepping myself and trying to cut off disappointment at the pass, and i felt like a pessimist. i have never thought of myself as a pessimist before.
and then that "sure thing" did not happen.
and so my ideas were reinforced. but i really didn't want them to be. i'd like for there to be times when i can look forward to things without having doubts. i doubt a lot, and i'd like to be a bit more hopeful. i've been thinking about things like this a lot in the last month or so. i feel like an awful lot of my time, i'm just thinking and thinking. i think about things too much sometimes.
by the way, i'd like to say-- officially, sam durrett and i are the same person. now, this time it's because we both independently thought of how harry potter is probably going to end, or at least what happens (part of what happens) in the seventh book, and we thought of the same thing. if you want to know our theory, ask me sometime. i'm not going to just put it on here in case you dont want to hear it, b/c unlike some assholes i know (ZACHARY ADAM MADARA), i don't want to ruin anything about harry potter for anyone.
i'm done with a semester of college. being able to say that makes me feel pretty pround and accomplished. i mean, it's not much, but it's definitely a good start, and the first year, i've heard, is the hardest. not in terms of work, obviously, but it's just when a LOT of people drop out.
today i realized that i try to not look forward to things sometimes. i just hate being disappointed so much, and i feel like i'm often disappointed in things, so i guess i just try to trick myself into not expecting things. today i was thinking about something that was a pretty sure thing, but then i thought, you know, it's not a sure thing. there really isn't a SURE thing. just very likely. i was unexcited when i realized that i was prepping myself and trying to cut off disappointment at the pass, and i felt like a pessimist. i have never thought of myself as a pessimist before.
and then that "sure thing" did not happen.
and so my ideas were reinforced. but i really didn't want them to be. i'd like for there to be times when i can look forward to things without having doubts. i doubt a lot, and i'd like to be a bit more hopeful. i've been thinking about things like this a lot in the last month or so. i feel like an awful lot of my time, i'm just thinking and thinking. i think about things too much sometimes.