Goodbyes
Title: Goodbyes
Author: iheartsapphire
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Rating: PG
Summary: Kyuhyun hated goodbyes. But if there was anything he hated more than goodbyes, it was saying goodbye to Zhou Mi.
Kyuhyun hated goodbyes. But if there was anything he hated more than goodbyes, it was saying goodbye to Zhou Mi. He wished he never had to leave China after Super Junior M promotions- or better yet, he wished Zhou Mi could come home with him. It seemed like visits were spread too far apart and didn’t last long enough. Goodbyes were frequent, but Kyuhyun didn’t welcome them any more warmly.
*
He liked being in China, an entirely different world after being in Korea. Hearing the loudness. Seeing the crowdedness. But sharing quiet moments with Zhou Mi was what Kyuhyun looked forward to. It was lying under the covers of Zhou Mi’s bed while the boy laid next to him, tracing patterns on his shoulder and singing quiet Chinese lullabies- words that flowed gently from the elder’s mouth and made Kyuhyun feel at ease.
He liked when Zhou Mi intertwined his long fingers with Kyuhyun’s own when Kyuhyun spoke, or at least tried to speak Chinese. Moments when Kyuhyun stumbled over words and Zhou Mi couldn’t help but laugh.
But Kyuhun liked it best when Zhou Mi would tilt his head or gaze at him when he spoke Korean. That was the only difference between them in Kyuhyun’s eyes. But the two had came to the silent agreement a long time ago that their languages would be the only factor that set them apart. Kyuhyun didn’t need to call Hangeng over and have him translate whenever Zhou Mi spoke to him. He didn’t want to. What he had with Zhou Mi was greater than anything he could ever ask Hangeng to tell the Chinese boy.
It was leaving that Kyuhyun didn’t like. He tried to keep from counting days until he boarded the plane that would take him back to Korea. The more he thought about being back home, without Zhou Mi, the more unappealing being there sounded. And Zhou Mi understood. He knew that Kyuhuyn didn’t want to go. Kyuhyun wasn’t asking to go. Kyuhyun had to go. And Zhou Mi always did his best not to make departures any harder than absolutely necessary.
*
When Kyuhyun turned to face Zhou Mi before he boarded his flight, he always noticed the same bitter yet still sweet look in the other’s eyes. It wasn’t their fault that it was like this: coming and going and never having enough time to stay. But they adjusted all the same.
Zhou Mi would slowly exhale and pull Kyuhyun toward him. The younger boy wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders and rested his chin on them. He would nuzzle his head into Zhou Mi’s neck for a moment and draw their bodies tighter together.
Zhou Mi would whisper “wo ai ni” into his ear and Kyuhyun would feel the beginnings of tears sting the corners of his eyes. He would sniff and pull away and look at Zhou Mi’s face: eyebrows drawn together, lips pursed and tears trickling from his dark eyes. He hated remembering Zhou Mi like this but that was the image that stuck with Kyuhyun the most.
Then Zhou Mi would lean in and kiss Kyuhyun in a way that wordlessly ensured Kyuhyun that their feelings wouldn’t waver when Kyuhyun was alone in Korea or when he finally did return to China.
And that was when everything started to get real slow. Kyuhyun would pull away slowly after what seemed to be a lifetime and take a few steps back. Zhou Mi would slowly let go of Kyuhyun’s hand and send him one last, desperate, fleeting look before Kyuhyun turned away.
*
The bright floor of the airport would blur and Kyuhyun wouldn’t remember where he was supposed to be going but Hangeng would gently take his hand and guide him silently towards the right gate. The two would never say anything to one another and Hangeng knew enough not to. They would board their plane, Kyuhyun would curl up in a seat next to a window and brush tears off his cheeks.
*
The first night home would be brutal. Members welcoming them home with hugs and greetings of “Kyuhyun-ah, we’ve missed you!” didn’t make Kyuhyun feel happier in the least. He would say hello to all his hyungs and politely excuse himself to his room. He would lie down and imagine Zhou Mi was next to him, but he wouldn’t sleep. He felt so helpless and lost. Visits to the beach and looking hopefully out over the ocean didn’t comfort him. Kyuhyun found himself driving the streets aimlessly in the middle of the night as result of his insomnia. But in the back of his mind, Kyuhyun knew none of these things would console him, just as well as he knew he couldn’t wake up in the morning without Zhou Mi next to him.
*
And it would last for weeks. He couldn’t stand it and he couldn’t accept it. And he would cry. He would hold his head in his hands and dig the heels of his hands into his eyes, his entire body shaking. Sometimes Hangeng would open the door of Kyuhyun’s room and lie down next to him and sing softly to him but it wasn’t the same. Something told Kyuhuyn that it would never be the same. But he would wait.
He would wait like he always did after every miserable goodbye said between him and Zhou Mi. He would wait until he got news of Super Junior M returning to China again, when the slow and dragging weeks would finally embrace the urgency to speed up and pass by more rapidly. He would wait until his feet touched down on the Chinese airport’s bright tiled floor when he started to recognize things and found that he wasn’t so lost anymore.
And Zhou Mi would be there, almost in the same spot Kyuhyun had seen him last and Kyuhyun wouldn’t feel so helpless anymore. He would feel his heart come back to life and his head would swell, and he would blink a few times to make sure he was really seeing him. But he always was.
*
This was where Kyuhyun would always start running and the Chinese citizens crowding the airport would stare at him- at the racket he was creating with his rolling suitcase. This was always where Kyuhyun’s long-lost smile would creep back to its home under Kyuhyun’s nose and would shine so proudly that Kyuhyun’s lips didn’t have the heart to close and cover it.
And when Kyuhyun reached Zhou Mi he would take careful note of his expression. Zhou Mi’s eyes always gleamed and moved swiftly, hungrily taking in Kyuhyun’s face. Zhou Mi would murmur “Kui Xian” and reach for the back of his neck to pull him to him and then he would kiss him. And Kyuhyun would feel like melting into him and crying and holding Zhou Mi tighter all at the same time. This was what he was missing. And when he pulled away he felt like he had never left. Zhou Mi would grin a goofy grin and would offer a quiet “hi” that made Kyuhyun’s heart melt.
That was when Hangeng would glace over and smile at the two. And that was when Kyuhyun decided that goodbyes weren’t so bad as long as he felt the way he did now with Zhou Mi the next time they said hello.