Laura sent me a nudge, so...
I guess I'll write something. I haven't updated in forever because I've been wasting time doing other things. This too, of course, wastes time but oh well.
I really don't feel like being in school anymore. I really don't. The only reason I enjoy it is because my friends are here and I love having those "Canterbury conversations" every day. Other than that, any schoolwork I do no longer matters. I still do it, though, sadly enough.
There really isn't much new in my life - it's pretty normal right now, which is just fabulous. There aren't any MAJOR health problems or family problems, and I get to spend large and wonderful amounts of time with my boyfriend. The only thing I'm really concerned about is figuring out where I'm going to college, the planning required before and after I figure that out, and what happens once I leave. Ah, college. Maybe that's what I'll write about. I was talking to a friend yesterday who said she didn't want to be attached (i.e. in a relationship) when she went off to college. "Do you really want to be tied down?" she asked me. And that made me pause for a moment, because I don't at all feel like I'm tied down. Maybe it's because Keegan and I have had "the future" conversation so many times and we have both agreed to just see where things take us. I don't feel tied down. I don't see him as a potential burden or added weight; I see him as a small part of me I'm not ready to lose. For a lot of people freedom is defined as having no attachments, just moving and living on their own accord. And that's fine, of course. That makes sense. But for me, it's a bit different. Freedom is a state of mind. If I am making the decisions I want to make and moving and living the way I want to move and live, then I am free. And right now, I'm making the decision to keep Keegan in my life. I love him, and that's what matters. If something alters in the future, well...I'll just leave that to the future. The biggest problem I can see is that I will miss him too much. But I would still miss him if we stopped dating, so that's an unsolvable dilemma. The one certainty in my life is that no matter what happens I will always love him, because he occupies a part of me. That's something that will never alter, even with time. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds...
I really don't feel like being in school anymore. I really don't. The only reason I enjoy it is because my friends are here and I love having those "Canterbury conversations" every day. Other than that, any schoolwork I do no longer matters. I still do it, though, sadly enough.
There really isn't much new in my life - it's pretty normal right now, which is just fabulous. There aren't any MAJOR health problems or family problems, and I get to spend large and wonderful amounts of time with my boyfriend. The only thing I'm really concerned about is figuring out where I'm going to college, the planning required before and after I figure that out, and what happens once I leave. Ah, college. Maybe that's what I'll write about. I was talking to a friend yesterday who said she didn't want to be attached (i.e. in a relationship) when she went off to college. "Do you really want to be tied down?" she asked me. And that made me pause for a moment, because I don't at all feel like I'm tied down. Maybe it's because Keegan and I have had "the future" conversation so many times and we have both agreed to just see where things take us. I don't feel tied down. I don't see him as a potential burden or added weight; I see him as a small part of me I'm not ready to lose. For a lot of people freedom is defined as having no attachments, just moving and living on their own accord. And that's fine, of course. That makes sense. But for me, it's a bit different. Freedom is a state of mind. If I am making the decisions I want to make and moving and living the way I want to move and live, then I am free. And right now, I'm making the decision to keep Keegan in my life. I love him, and that's what matters. If something alters in the future, well...I'll just leave that to the future. The biggest problem I can see is that I will miss him too much. But I would still miss him if we stopped dating, so that's an unsolvable dilemma. The one certainty in my life is that no matter what happens I will always love him, because he occupies a part of me. That's something that will never alter, even with time. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds...