(no subject)
i'm really not doing that bad here. it's merely a rut, and it was bound to happen. there are tons of people in my program who feel the same way, that emotionally we're just a little stuck. it's nice talking to them because they understand the weird stares, the language barrier, the struggle to "get it" here.
every day that passes, i'm reminded of how fortunate i am to even be here. the slightest hiccup in history, and i could've been one of these people. and it could be anywhere from the wrinkled, tired faces to the fake hair, fake boobs, fake eyebrows. i would be one of the people who goes up to an asian american and expresses their disbelief that someone with that face could be from a place and culture that is so dominate and parodied.
fortunate x2: i've been slightly more exposed to china, what with the food and language and strange herbal medicines. my shock and dismay wasn't as intense as my friends'. but maybe that's why the chinese charm is fading so fast on me.
fortunate x3: i have a twin here. she's chinese, too, by blood, AND she was born two days after me. she knows what i'm trying to say before the thought even forms in my head. when i tried explaining that it's hard to be yourself in a place that tests you everyday, when the people who bring the best out of you are thousands of miles away, she totally beat me to the punch. she tells me how homesick she is the exact week that i'm feeling the need for a huge break from this place. it feels incredible just to be understood. she and cristina might be the biggest reasons i'm able to smile and laugh at all the ridiculous chinese moments here.
so remember this, if i sound depressed, it's because everyone likes drama (admit it) and because i miiiisssss yooooouuuu! i am damn lucky to have what i have, and it's bad of me to complain.
every day that passes, i'm reminded of how fortunate i am to even be here. the slightest hiccup in history, and i could've been one of these people. and it could be anywhere from the wrinkled, tired faces to the fake hair, fake boobs, fake eyebrows. i would be one of the people who goes up to an asian american and expresses their disbelief that someone with that face could be from a place and culture that is so dominate and parodied.
fortunate x2: i've been slightly more exposed to china, what with the food and language and strange herbal medicines. my shock and dismay wasn't as intense as my friends'. but maybe that's why the chinese charm is fading so fast on me.
fortunate x3: i have a twin here. she's chinese, too, by blood, AND she was born two days after me. she knows what i'm trying to say before the thought even forms in my head. when i tried explaining that it's hard to be yourself in a place that tests you everyday, when the people who bring the best out of you are thousands of miles away, she totally beat me to the punch. she tells me how homesick she is the exact week that i'm feeling the need for a huge break from this place. it feels incredible just to be understood. she and cristina might be the biggest reasons i'm able to smile and laugh at all the ridiculous chinese moments here.
so remember this, if i sound depressed, it's because everyone likes drama (admit it) and because i miiiisssss yooooouuuu! i am damn lucky to have what i have, and it's bad of me to complain.