dizzyland
we went to disneyland on saturday and it was motherfucking freezing. i ditched the stroller at the haunted house cause it got soaking wet and ruined. it's cool though, thats why i brought the cheap one along. I hate disneyland so much but i have to admit i actually had fun this time. watching lux get stoked on things is indescribeable. best feeling in the world and i'm not gonna deprive him of fun just cause i'm a grumpy asshole. i hate parents that do that. when i was a kid i was pretty much deprived of everything because my parents were in their own world of chaos and now i'm an adult totally lost in life trying to figure out how to maintain sanity and understand myself better. I'm 31 years old stuck with the fucking mentality of a teenager that doesn't have a clue about the future. everyday i wake up with that feeling and it is a sucky place to be. blah blah blah...point being i don't want lux to feel that way or feel that he was ever deprived of love or good times. we are doing pretty good and i learn new things from him everyday. i think he is saving my life. before he came along i was so ready to give up on everything and now i struggle but i am always hopeful and am able to see the sun without wanting to run.
