The F. End (16-Oct-2013)
The last night on Earth might feel just like that. You know the morning is going to come eventually and the slow process of dying will begin. But you're not dying just yet. You think you want to sleep, sleep through it all and then you might happily die unconscious. Why not? Luck is possible. You don't turn the lights off to trick yourself into thinking that it's still midnight every time you wake up. You feel the sweetness of drifting into dreamless nothingness. It's just a second, maybe three, but you relish in it... and then BOOM. You wake up because your heart is burning like hell. It's on fire and you can't breath. Is is still midnight? Are you alive? Where are you? Who the fuck are you? Please make the heart stop burning like it's going to burst, make it stop racing. BOOM! You drift back to nothingness. The stone in your heart is still racing and aching, trying to kill you before you die. The waking up and drifting away marathon continues all through the night. Each time you hope that it'll finally kill you, but when it almost does, you pray that it lets you live just a little longer. Lets you live? Or sleep? What will you do? Morning comes and you hate the rays of sun intruding through the curtains. You hate them because you're still alive and the agony hasn't killed you when it still could. And now it's gone. No matter how bad you want it back, it's gone, leaving you to deal with having to die on this very day. Leaving you to know that you will be conscious when it happens, when you'll have to do it to yourself. You stop feeling your legs, they no longer exist. You won't exist in a few hours as well. And you're not afraid anymore. You crave it now, like you craved for the agony a few moments earlier, now you crave for this single moment that defines who you are. It defines who are and then just lets you slip into the most vivid darkness of all. The single darkness that defines you and that is you.