(no subject)
Maybe it's due time for me to actually write something in here. I've been thinking a lot lately about how much happier I am now that I'm not at Franklin Pierce. I actually feel like a normal person again, and not always feeling like I have to walk around on eggshells is a nice plus too. It's funny though...despite all of the wonderful things I've gained in the past two months, I still feel like something is missing. I'm so grateful for the fact that I've been able to connect with some truly incredible people and rekindle old friendships that were dying out, but at the same time I'm so frustrated by the fact that I'm repeatedly ignored and excluded from things by the people that I'm suppose to call family up here. I love living here, but when my roommates don't really seem to care if I'm around or not it kind of sucks. I've been trying so hard to get to know them but it seems so pointless...they're all really close, and while I know we're all friends, my relationship with them will never compare with the ones they have with each other. I'm so appreciative of Jen right now--she's been making such an effort to introduce me to new people, and I can't thank her enough for it. I really don't know what I'd do without her here. It's funny...I never, ever thought that we would become friends, but I really enjoy her company. I almost feel selfish for wishing I had more, and I honestly can't figure out what my problem is. I think what's really irritating me lately is the fact that I don't feel very respected. Every time I go out it seems like random guys are trying to hook up with me, and while I'm flattered by the fact that I'm considered "attractive", I want to be more than ass to someone. It's so incredibly corny, but I miss love. I've become accustomed to feeling wanted and needed and without that I almost feel unimportant. It's not like I'm out trying to find some random person to be with just or the sake of having someone...I can't do that to myself again. I'm sure the only reason I'm even feeling this way is because Eric called today. He has this way of being so charming and making me feel so good and so bad at the same time. I just don't understand why he still calls...I think he just gets some sick pleasure in knowing that he's able to work his way back into my life whenever he feels the need. I think it's just a means of boosting his ego, and the fact that I pointed that out didn't really see to sit well. Good God, I can't believe I felt compelled to waste time whining about boys. I'm such a little bitch
but it's the 80's thing to do.
but it's the 80's thing to do.