(no subject)
Sometimes I get tired of hearing that I can call if I need to talk.
I appreciate it, don't get me wrong.
Sometimes the problem is that I feel like no one cares, or moreso that I don't have anyone in my life.
Sometimes I want someone to be near me, because they want to be near me. not because they want to fix my problem or be there for me at a very depressed time.
This is why i don't often display when something is wrong and why it may seem like I am a rollercoaster.
I want people to just want to be near me at any time, not just when I feel I am in a time of need.
i don't want to call because I need you.
Maybe I am a whiner?
Desperation.
Need for something to happen.
A slap across the face to tell me not to take my life for granted;
A kiss upon my forehead to remind me why I am here.
Instead... everything is stagnant.
A moribund life, torpid and waiting to be shaken.
I have alienated myself from everything I knew,
even myself.
I can't get myself to pick up the pieces.
An embarrassment.
Maybe assumptions about me are right.
Inside, I have been screaming,
throwing punches,
kicking,
fighting to get free from this body.
Begging for someone to see who I reall am.
Begging for someone to let me near them...
to want to be near me.
Well, now my throat is raw,
arms exhausted,
my soul has been depleated of energy, conceivably even of will
and maybe I have become who I display on the outside.
Maybe I should succumb.
I appreciate it, don't get me wrong.
Sometimes the problem is that I feel like no one cares, or moreso that I don't have anyone in my life.
Sometimes I want someone to be near me, because they want to be near me. not because they want to fix my problem or be there for me at a very depressed time.
This is why i don't often display when something is wrong and why it may seem like I am a rollercoaster.
I want people to just want to be near me at any time, not just when I feel I am in a time of need.
i don't want to call because I need you.
Maybe I am a whiner?
Desperation.
Need for something to happen.
A slap across the face to tell me not to take my life for granted;
A kiss upon my forehead to remind me why I am here.
Instead... everything is stagnant.
A moribund life, torpid and waiting to be shaken.
I have alienated myself from everything I knew,
even myself.
I can't get myself to pick up the pieces.
An embarrassment.
Maybe assumptions about me are right.
Inside, I have been screaming,
throwing punches,
kicking,
fighting to get free from this body.
Begging for someone to see who I reall am.
Begging for someone to let me near them...
to want to be near me.
Well, now my throat is raw,
arms exhausted,
my soul has been depleated of energy, conceivably even of will
and maybe I have become who I display on the outside.
Maybe I should succumb.