(no subject)
I don't understand why...
even as I become happy in general,
I still do not like what I see in the mirror.
I am learning to see what others may see attractive about me but
I would do anything to clear up my skin (it hurts so bad as I am trying to clear it up before and see if it is a soy allergy or not),
lose 10-15 lbs,
lose some of my ass...
So I spend as much time as I can avoiding the mirror.
and when I can't avoid it, I concetrate on the things I know are true or the things I like.
it's all about perception right? I have changed my perception about everything else, why not this?
I concentrate on the muscle that is there now, instead of that fat that still exists because I have been working so hard.. too hard to not give any attention to.
I am eating healthy.
I run 3-4 days a week.
I lift my weights daily.
The results aren't there but I have to respect that this is the way I am supposed to be.
And i try to concentrate on what others say about me.
I go out and act like I am a cocky bastard because that is what people like.
I wear what i think is fun even if I don't think i should be or don't think i look good in it...
and...
I go with it.
and everyday, i do get that much closer to seeing what other people see.
But I also learn to love the other things about me that aren't visible and that is what is really making me happy.
I enjoy life right now.
I wish that my body would match this.
even as I become happy in general,
I still do not like what I see in the mirror.
I am learning to see what others may see attractive about me but
I would do anything to clear up my skin (it hurts so bad as I am trying to clear it up before and see if it is a soy allergy or not),
lose 10-15 lbs,
lose some of my ass...
So I spend as much time as I can avoiding the mirror.
and when I can't avoid it, I concetrate on the things I know are true or the things I like.
it's all about perception right? I have changed my perception about everything else, why not this?
I concentrate on the muscle that is there now, instead of that fat that still exists because I have been working so hard.. too hard to not give any attention to.
I am eating healthy.
I run 3-4 days a week.
I lift my weights daily.
The results aren't there but I have to respect that this is the way I am supposed to be.
And i try to concentrate on what others say about me.
I go out and act like I am a cocky bastard because that is what people like.
I wear what i think is fun even if I don't think i should be or don't think i look good in it...
and...
I go with it.
and everyday, i do get that much closer to seeing what other people see.
But I also learn to love the other things about me that aren't visible and that is what is really making me happy.
I enjoy life right now.
I wish that my body would match this.