EMPLOYED!

[iheartemmadee]

so the saddest day of my life is today... ive been employed. i went to an interview at r.j gators on northlake n im starting work at 4:00 friday! i hope i get out in time to not be so late for taylors party! im so excited for it!happy bday tay tay! i work all day friday, sautrday and sunday.. hope i can go to battle of the bands still. ill cry if i cant. so brie came to the interview with me then we went back to my dads. my dad showed me the ring he got my future stepmother. its huge. the biggest diamond ive ever physically seen in my life. its a huge princess cut diamond int he middle with two medium large ones on the side and diamonds engraved in the silver. its ridiculous. the only diamond he ever got my real mom was a diamond and emerald ring post to their marriage. it hardly measures up to the HUGE one he got his new wife. its crazy how materialistic this relationship is already looking. its basically doomed for failure. the good news is there are no women in her direct family so im the heir for the ring. how unfortunate. ill just sell it. i dont want that shit. ill pawn it, thats wat ill do. i do admit its gorgeous though, the perfect ring for such an unperfect woman. my theory is when my parents were married they didnt need materialistic items to show their love like him and susan do now. their love for each other wasnt based on rings or jewlrey just howt hey treated one anohter. oh well, hes only setting himself up for a loss. like 20 minutes after showing me hes like "come here sweetie" and gave me this huge hug and was like "i love you". not the typical everyday thing i hear from him. i know hes working hard but the second he walks into the house he starts bitching and complaning. i cant stand it. sometimes i get so upset with him about what hes turned my family into but then i remember he is my father and whether i like it or not i have to have a relationship with him. its really hard sometimes thinking of how my family used to be. my parents living together, no fighting, all the kids home. it was the closest to perfect ive ever seen a family be. now hes getting remarried and his two sons wont even show up for his wedding and somehow he doesnt see how he "messed up". ya i know my fathers a complete fuck up but im still guna be at his wedding since he sees it as an important time i guess. hes so happy im going and i guess that makes me happy in a way. i told james the reason im going is because i feel sympathy for dad and i have to go because its wat he wants. he asked me if i thought he was thinking about me and what i want when he left my mom for susan. i know he wasnt and i know he still doesn't think about me before himself or susan but that doesn't mean i have to be the same way.im not like james n pat. i dont get to move to california or gainsville and just be away from my family while going to college. im stuck here for three more years i cant just completely shut him out of my life. i used to wish taht i could but hearing about people who lost their fathers, i just feel like such a selfish bitch. even though so much went wrong, i still am such a fortunate person. my mom cares so much for me, my brothers are my best friends and my other best friends are like my sisters. ive been so lucky to be blessed with such amazing people in my life. i never take the time to think about that. i just dwell on the fact my parents arent together nemore and after spending time with susan and my dad im realizing that they never will be again. i think im becoming ok with that. not really ok but im becoming understanding of it. i cant change things, i can just deal with them. my moms a little upset im flying out to california for the wedding without my brothers. she thinks i shouldve made a group effort and stook with them. i get to bring brie and acacia so thats why she thinks im goign, for a free trip to malibu but really im just following my heart. i need to be there for my dad even though he hasnt been there for me. i know im stronger then him and i know hes really weak and he needs me to be there. (not to mention the $400 neiman marcus dress i got for the wedding) just kidding. wow i sound like a spoiled brat but im totally joking. i could care less what i wore. but i guess im starting to come to peace with all of this and hopefully i can move on. but what my dad wont understnad is that i dont like her and i never will. she ripped apart my family and made our lives a living hell. i didnt talk to my dad for 4 months because of this bitch...interesting convo int he car the other day with my father...

DAD: susans really great i wish ud give her a chance.. shes spirtual, kind caring and a genuinely good person.
ME: (outraged) SORRY DAD "GOOD" PEOPLE DONT SLEEP WITH OTHER WOMEN'S
HUSBANDS WHEN THEY HAVE A WIFE AND THREE KIDS AT HOME.

believe it or not that didnt go over to well.. well ironically me and my father are going out for sushi. sorry for the emo outrage.
-mccall