Group speech
Mike: Welcome to the GAL 3:38 news. I’m Johnny Big.
Xing: And I’m Chingaling. We’re going to start off with the winner of our weekly crocodile hunter look-a-like contest. And now we’ll go to Phil Little.
Phil: Our winner this week is Catti Munter. Here’s a little about Catti. She’s seventeen years old and is from Dallas, Texas. She’s 5’3”, but on a good day, she’s 5’4”. She’s got no criminal record because she never gets caught. So tell me a little about yourself. How did you get started doing all of this.
Hedan: Well, I’ve always been a huge fan of Steve Irwin, and this, this is just my dream come true!
Phil: And now we have a little demonstration for all you viewers at home.
Hedan: Today we’re going to be talking about snakes, alligators, and CROCODILES! Crikey! What have we here? A bloody big snake! Now let’s approach it carefully. Oh, now we’ve got it. BAHH! (falls over)
Phil: And now back to you, Johnny and Chingaling.
Mike: We’ll be right back with an exclusive interview with a young football star we all know and love.
Commercial:
Xing: 这 是 世 界上 最 鲜 美 的 果 冻! - - - - - - - -
Hedan: This the world’s zestiest cocunut jelly!
Xing: 可 口 !
Hedan: Delicious!
Xing: 到 处 好 吃!
Hedan: Tastes wonderful everywhere!
Both: YUM
Xing: And now, we have our exclusive interview with a rising football star, Adrian Peterson. Take it away, Lingaching!
Xing: So, Adrian was recently drafted by the Minnesota Vikings. He was in his junior year from the University of Oklahoma, but decided to join the draft.
Mike: Yeah, my life is wonderful. I’m so appreciative…
Xing: How has your college experience helped you?
Mike: Bob Stoops was a great coach….
Xing: Are you sad that you were not hired by a team from your home state of Texas?
Mike: Oh…. BLAH.
Xing: This is Lingaching, with Adrian Peterson. Back to you, Chingaling and Johnny.
Mike: Yes, and we’ll be right back with another exclusive interview!
RUSH HOUR COMMERCIAL - HIYAH!
Xing: And we’re now going to show you another exclusive interview from President Bill Clinton. We’re handing it over to Richard Hickock, a man who penetrates deep into his interviewers to find the answers.
Mike: Thank you, Chingaling. Thank you for joining me, Mr. President.
Phil: It’s a pleasure. Would you mind if I called you Dick?
Mike: Not at all, Mr. Clinton. I would like to ask you just a few questions on the ongoing Monica Lewinsky scandal.
Phil: I did not did not did not did not…..
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Mike: You heard it from the man himself. Now back to you, Johnny and Chingaling.
Mike: Thank you, Dick. We’re now moving on to our home segment of the week. Take it away, Sapphire!
Hedan: Hello, welcome to this week’s edition of Sapphire’s Segment. Have you ever thought as your washed your dishes, “This is so boring!” But you don’t have to anymore! Isn’t that right, Jingaling?
Xing: That’s right! Now when you wash dishes, you want to use a nice counterclockwise motion when you’re scrubbing those nasty greasy dishes after a meal….. STUFF.
Hedan: Oh, that’s wonderful, and you can also listen to music while you do it! In fact, you should sing along. Why let your family enjoy themselves as you torture yourself doing dishes? Back to you guys, Johnny and Chingaling.
Mike: We’re going to take a short break and be right back with our final segment about the darker side of classroom tardiness.
Xing: Students in high school are habitually tardy these days. See what happens here as this habitual problem is on the rise.
Hedan: Hi everyone, welcome to class, everyone. Now, let’s see, we have Melissa, Katti, Shirlisa, Duke, Anna, Cam, and Amy. Who’s missing? Um…
(Phil comes in) Phil: Hi, Mrs. Niedima.
Hedan: Bill. So nice of you to join us.
Phil: Isn’t it? Wait, am I late?
Hedan: Yes, and that makes it your fifth tardy…
Phil: Please don’t give me detention. I’ll do anything, 20 bucks? Please?
Hedan: No, sit down, Bill.
Phil: Hey, wanna go for a ride after class?
Hedan: ahahah… no.
Phil: Please?
Hedan: No.
Phil: Please? Pretty please? More typically Phil stuff.
Hedan: SHUT UP!
Xing: So as you can see, tardiness is becoming more and more of a problem in today’s classrooms. What can you do about it? Write to us at GAL.com
Xing: And that concludes our evening news. Good later part of the afternoon!
Mike: Hello, this is suicide hotline. How may we help you?
Phil: OMG, lately, I’ve really been going through a rough patch. I mean, my girlfriend broke up with me, I just got fired. I feel terrible about my life. I feel life it has no direction; does my life have a direction?
Mike: --------
Hedan: Cingular is now the new A-T-and-T. Your world delivered. (sings) All around the world.