please just kill me
Everything is spinning wildly out of control. No one in this house can keep their mouths shut. ppl are saying hurtful things, slamming doors, and screaming at eachother on a regular basis. It is a very high stress situation and i dont like being home.. everything is so freaking awkward. Now all the boyfriends are fighting with eachother and people are being dragged into the situation that dont need to be there. Its amazing how one day someone can be your friend, and the next they have latched on to the very person they were screaming about a week before then. If you can act this way towards me, you were never my friend in the first place. For the most part, i have tried to stay out of the situation just because i despise conflict, and it seems to follow me everywhere i go. I physically cant deal with it... I shut down. I am so tired of it. really. and the sad part is that i am a little happy that we are all going home for a few days soon. I really want it to settle down. I am going to miss janna a lot. and i feel slightly guilty about not being friends with lauren now, but she has gone to the extremes. I know that she is probably dying as well but she is being trained by the others to not care about us. I know in my heart that that is not the real lauren and it kills me how fast everything changed. I lost a good friend this week, and she doesnt even care if i talk to her ever again. all because i called u inconsiderate. You'd think the term "best friend" as you call me would mean something, not telling the whole world things that i have said to you. Its getting so ridiculous, the levels the people will stoop to is absolutely astonishing to me. For the most part i just sit back and want to cry. i want to know where all of us went wrong to have a house so divided that janna and i stay up stairs all day just to avoid breathing the same air. They like to bring over people that we call "buffers" just to adjust the awkwardness in our house. they like to bring over people that we all know to prove that they have the upper hand on that friend. Things bother me so much.. the conflict makes me cry. But for now, I am just going to keep quiet like i always do... just because i feel that is the best for us all.. and i really hope everyone will do the same