Facing Your Abuse
It's difficult. It leaves you with some messed up sort of PTSD, kind of like battered woman's syndrome, only you don't experience physical abuse. Rather, you experience verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse... which is actually believed to be the most harmful kind of abuse by the experts. Either way, I haven't really wanted to talk about it... I go in and out of denial about it. I have to talk to myself in the mirror every now and then. It's a slow recovery process, but I'm making it. Mostly thanks to some books written by Dr. Jill Murray. The one friend I have at home, I can't talk to him about it. He's 52 year-old dad left his mom for an 18 year-old, so I don't feel the need to add my problems to his.
I do have one friend here (being internet), though, that I've begun to talk to about it. I'm afraid I haven't even scratched the surface talking to him about it, but I hope I continue to talk about it. He makes me feel better about myself, even when he doesn't have to. I know he doesn't understand why I let this happen, why I didn't walk away a year earlier. I can't even really answer that question. I'm just thankful he listens and doesn't make me feel crazy. In fact, tonight was one of the best compliments I'd ever been paid. And I must admit, I'm jealous of that lucky girl he meets.
I do have one friend here (being internet), though, that I've begun to talk to about it. I'm afraid I haven't even scratched the surface talking to him about it, but I hope I continue to talk about it. He makes me feel better about myself, even when he doesn't have to. I know he doesn't understand why I let this happen, why I didn't walk away a year earlier. I can't even really answer that question. I'm just thankful he listens and doesn't make me feel crazy. In fact, tonight was one of the best compliments I'd ever been paid. And I must admit, I'm jealous of that lucky girl he meets.