(no subject)
i havent written about my life in a while. partly because 'it' is starting again. i dont know what to do. my friends always try to help. it goes away, and then comes back. i dont want to be like that but i cant help it. it happens every month. it wont even let me go 4 weeks straight. i dont do anything to make it come.it just does. my mom tried to help too, but that didnt work. my family just makes it worse. music helps me. shane helped me a while ago. thanks. i really dont know what im supposed to do. i write about it, and people try to talk to me, but that goes through one ear and out the other. i need to go somewhere. i dont want to see what lies ahead. i dont want to know whats going to happen next. and im sorry i always pretend to be happy. i dont want attention, but i do want someone to talk to. it doesnt help usually. but maybe someone will come along that actually can help. i dont want sympathy. or anyone to say , "its ok, its just a phase." it isnt. a phase doesnt go for a year, every month. nothing's wrong, its just something goes wrong. i dont want attention. i dont want anything. i need it to go away. by itself. why doesnt it happen to my friends? they have been through the same shit. why does it have to be in me? i try to be happy, and have fun. i try to be good, but it doesnt evem matter. my new years resolution went down the drain. i dont understand.