hello, livejournal. same ole'.
i dont want to admit to myself that i harbor these really immature feelings, that im telling myself that i am so strong and stubborn that i never want to see your face or speak your name again. i fear that this just reveals how effing vulnerable i've made myself. i dont know how to not regret that, i dont know about feeling regret ever but i dont know how to not regret that. i dont want to think of you ever again. i wish that were a feasable possibility. it isnt. i dont want to admit that i feel rejected, and i feel ugly, unattractive, undesirable and at the same time i know im better than those feleings. ive never felt so secure and honest and real and i've never felt so wronged. i dont want to spend time mourning i just want overtly positive growth and physicality. wtf enuff.