Lost and found
I don't ever feel like a new year starts at the strike of midnight on January 1st, I feel like a new year starts in the fall right when everyone is getting back into routine. Ever since I started preschool and learned the months of the year, the picture I see in my mind is a game board displaying all 12 months in a kind of square with a big fat start sign on top of september. But no end sign. Whatever the reason- September marks a year ago of pretty much the hardest time of my life thus far. Family issues, friendship weirdness, loneliness, growing in my faith probably the most since I was 8 years old, and too many awkward moments I'd like to leave unmentioned. Oh yeah and I spent an entire month alone which was kind of a big deal for me.
I still can't figure out what I'd like to do though- as far as my career goes. Why does it seem like everyone around me is moving so completely fast with perfection and grace and I'm dragging behind stuck in a world that seems to be on the border of unrealistic dreams? Beautiful weddings, fresh new starts, brand new babies, or even just living and being comfortable with their own decision to just live the life. I know where I want to be in 5-10 years but I can't figure out how to get there, yet. I know for certain I don't want to be serving coffee to grumpy people for very much longer. The people who I encounter at my job have me questioning so much of my own character based on the way they are interacting with me which usually seems terribly rude. Do I seem to be acting this way towards them so they are taking offense? Or am I just looking too far into it and these people had a hard day and have no one else to give the dirty look to? I don't know, either way it kind of fascinates me. Common things interest me, like old couples and their routines, families of all incomes, the way a person is driving annd this list will never end. But also, things like abnormally huge families interest me, the Amish people REALLY amaze me, tribes and communities that still have to be discovered, weird medical diseases, AIDS, the Invisible Children, the nationwide hunger issue, and more. I keep trying to find a way to categorize all these things plus some into one...major? Anthropology? Sociology? I don't know. Can I really afford to be in school for 2 more years? Can I really afford to settle on psychology? settle. I've never really liked that word and I've seen it take over more people's lives than I'd like to say.
God? I need help. I'm stuck in a transitional state...or it's like I'm waiting in an airport for my life flight to arrive...or take off, which ever. Except not because I don't like flying. Maybe...eh well it doesn't matter. I just need some prayers for my confusion to be lifted a bit, for me to be able to see a little bit further...and get through the fuzzy areas of my life with grace and to be true to myself.
So September will be my brand new beginning I hope, and to mark a moving on point in my life.
Who wants to celebrate? Celebrate for all of our new beginnings and hopefully more good than bad times.
I still can't figure out what I'd like to do though- as far as my career goes. Why does it seem like everyone around me is moving so completely fast with perfection and grace and I'm dragging behind stuck in a world that seems to be on the border of unrealistic dreams? Beautiful weddings, fresh new starts, brand new babies, or even just living and being comfortable with their own decision to just live the life. I know where I want to be in 5-10 years but I can't figure out how to get there, yet. I know for certain I don't want to be serving coffee to grumpy people for very much longer. The people who I encounter at my job have me questioning so much of my own character based on the way they are interacting with me which usually seems terribly rude. Do I seem to be acting this way towards them so they are taking offense? Or am I just looking too far into it and these people had a hard day and have no one else to give the dirty look to? I don't know, either way it kind of fascinates me. Common things interest me, like old couples and their routines, families of all incomes, the way a person is driving annd this list will never end. But also, things like abnormally huge families interest me, the Amish people REALLY amaze me, tribes and communities that still have to be discovered, weird medical diseases, AIDS, the Invisible Children, the nationwide hunger issue, and more. I keep trying to find a way to categorize all these things plus some into one...major? Anthropology? Sociology? I don't know. Can I really afford to be in school for 2 more years? Can I really afford to settle on psychology? settle. I've never really liked that word and I've seen it take over more people's lives than I'd like to say.
God? I need help. I'm stuck in a transitional state...or it's like I'm waiting in an airport for my life flight to arrive...or take off, which ever. Except not because I don't like flying. Maybe...eh well it doesn't matter. I just need some prayers for my confusion to be lifted a bit, for me to be able to see a little bit further...and get through the fuzzy areas of my life with grace and to be true to myself.
So September will be my brand new beginning I hope, and to mark a moving on point in my life.
Who wants to celebrate? Celebrate for all of our new beginnings and hopefully more good than bad times.