(no subject)
This was honestly the best week of my entire life. I lived with and loved with my favorite people in the world. It really says something that I was able to drive more than 24 hours straight with nothing except for my motivation to keep me going. I'm sure you don't understand, but it was just something I HAD to do! If I hadn't had this to look forward to the entire time I was home, I literally would've lost my mind. It was the most exhilirating and liberating experience ever. Driving across the country without help from anyone but myself made me realize that I can handle big things that are wild and dangerous on my own. I felt like an actual adult for the first time in my life. I didn't rely on anyone.
And when I got there! I surprised everyone and we yelled and hugged and went on and on about how much we love and miss each other. They genuinely missed me. It's really amazing how loved those people make me feel; how being around them makes me feel good about myself for once! I NEED these people in my life! They said things weren't the same without me and they begged me to come back.
I literally cannot articulate how happy I am at Bard. I belong somewhere! I feel like that is where I have to be; where my home is. I'm finding it impossible to be optimistic about next semester. I just have to suck it up and get it over with. fuckfuckfuck!
Every night I was there was accompanied with excessive smoking and drinking for finals week. I never went to bed before 4. I barely saw the sun at all! I was there during the first snow; which was so fun and beautiful and amaaazing! All the LA boys had their first snowball fight and it was too fucking adorable for words. One night we stayed up all night in the Sycamore common room and Dave Gookin stumbles in at about 2 in the morning; wasted off his ass. The first thing he does is yell at the top of his lungs "I'm Hercules, BITCH!" and then ripped off his shirt. Then he pulled two steak knives out of his pockets and stabbed holes in the dorm's wall. He said he would stab us if we didn't give him a computer to facebook on. We did, and then he started singing Pavarati and Strauss as loud as he could and woke everyone in the dorm up. That was the funniest night of my life. The next night, my last night, was the greatest one of my life. I was sober at 8.30 and by 9 i was drunk, stoned, and had blown lines of coke and adderall. It was the greatest feeling in the world! fuck! Then I had sex in the bathroom of the bar until the bouncer knocked on the door and made us get out.
Everything was incredible. Everyone was incredible!
This was the best idea ever. I don't care how much trouble I get in!
And when I got there! I surprised everyone and we yelled and hugged and went on and on about how much we love and miss each other. They genuinely missed me. It's really amazing how loved those people make me feel; how being around them makes me feel good about myself for once! I NEED these people in my life! They said things weren't the same without me and they begged me to come back.
I literally cannot articulate how happy I am at Bard. I belong somewhere! I feel like that is where I have to be; where my home is. I'm finding it impossible to be optimistic about next semester. I just have to suck it up and get it over with. fuckfuckfuck!
Every night I was there was accompanied with excessive smoking and drinking for finals week. I never went to bed before 4. I barely saw the sun at all! I was there during the first snow; which was so fun and beautiful and amaaazing! All the LA boys had their first snowball fight and it was too fucking adorable for words. One night we stayed up all night in the Sycamore common room and Dave Gookin stumbles in at about 2 in the morning; wasted off his ass. The first thing he does is yell at the top of his lungs "I'm Hercules, BITCH!" and then ripped off his shirt. Then he pulled two steak knives out of his pockets and stabbed holes in the dorm's wall. He said he would stab us if we didn't give him a computer to facebook on. We did, and then he started singing Pavarati and Strauss as loud as he could and woke everyone in the dorm up. That was the funniest night of my life. The next night, my last night, was the greatest one of my life. I was sober at 8.30 and by 9 i was drunk, stoned, and had blown lines of coke and adderall. It was the greatest feeling in the world! fuck! Then I had sex in the bathroom of the bar until the bouncer knocked on the door and made us get out.
Everything was incredible. Everyone was incredible!
This was the best idea ever. I don't care how much trouble I get in!