(no subject)
Family's more important to me than it ever has been. They're the only people I can depend on to truly be there forever; we've been through a lot, I've done a lot, and they still love me. We still talk to each other, and these past few years we've started to enjoy each other again; it gets a little better every time I come home.
But my dad's family has dissipated. I remember many times when we'd all be together, in kitchens filled with cigar smoke and everyone drinking and getting louder as the night went on. I loved it as a kid, but it's fallen apart. Every Christmas it gets smaller, and now just a sad few come to our house. Most of them are still out there in the world, but we rarely talk. It's hard realizing there's nothing I can do to bring everyone together again, that the past can never be healed. They've all gone different ways, and some are making it pretty good while others didn't make it at all, and in the middle of it we're all helpless to change the paths we've been given.
I've never dealt well with losing people. I just can't let go. I wonder if I'll ever get used to it, but death, breakups, fights, and dysfunction come anyway, and I suppose I will get used to it, with more years and more heartache. But damn if it don't hurt right now.
But my dad's family has dissipated. I remember many times when we'd all be together, in kitchens filled with cigar smoke and everyone drinking and getting louder as the night went on. I loved it as a kid, but it's fallen apart. Every Christmas it gets smaller, and now just a sad few come to our house. Most of them are still out there in the world, but we rarely talk. It's hard realizing there's nothing I can do to bring everyone together again, that the past can never be healed. They've all gone different ways, and some are making it pretty good while others didn't make it at all, and in the middle of it we're all helpless to change the paths we've been given.
I've never dealt well with losing people. I just can't let go. I wonder if I'll ever get used to it, but death, breakups, fights, and dysfunction come anyway, and I suppose I will get used to it, with more years and more heartache. But damn if it don't hurt right now.