(re)making me angry (lol)
Clearly, I should have taken heed of the warning signs.
The leggings. At least I should have been worried about the leggings. I suppose the 80s have been 'coming back' for a while but lately it's just seemed like total colonialization.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Bois and Grrls, gentle ladies, ladymen, and so forth, it seems as if popular culture, as one massive lugubrious creation, is attempting to poison my entire childhood.
Okay, they came at the turtles. They had already ruined the Saturday morning cartoons (and it seems like Saturday morning cartoons died just after I outgrew them...I mean, you seen the crap on there now? Travesty!) then they decide to do a movie. Now, they didn't try to make them super hip or anything but there's POD and Gym Class heroes on the soundtrack, I mean, come on! The other slight infraction - Sarah Michelle Gellar was the voice of April O'Neil...not funny guys, why don't you just make her blond?
[I get a little defensive when it comes to April O'Neil because, like the metal bikini wearing Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi, she is a strong fixture in the fantasies of many young nerdy people. You know why you never asked why a reporter would be wearing a skin tight banana suit? Because you liked it.]
Okay, then there's Transformers. I can't even watch it, I can't see my beloved robots turned into a Michael Bay directed car commercial, can't do it. And really, it could never compete with the 1986 original. The animated movie was epic..when Optimus Prime got wasted I wanted to cry. And not only that but they killed half or more of the transformers, because they weren't afraid, they didn't need no sap or stupid bush jokes either. [note: By killing off most of the characters they were planning to introduce all new ones which would mean new toys, so marketing never ceases I guess.]
Badass A #1
And the villain...Unicron. Hell you thought the Death Star was scary? This was a giant planet sized destruction machine that had a big laser but, on top of that, it was alive and would eat your planet. It wouldn't blow it up surgically but ram right into you and eat your continents, drink up your rivers and nibble on your equator while laughing. And if he got really pissed off he'd turn into a robot three times as big and beat your homeworld senseless with his bare hands. And, the pièce de résistance - his voice was supplied by Orson Welles. Plus 80s hair metal solos, you can't beat it.
Suddenly, I've run out of energy with these last few ones. All I can say is that the world doesn't really need these:
Why lord?
Can you hear the chipmunk rap? Can ya?
Hey guys! Dog is god backwards! LOL!
Underdog? That preview made me want to punch myself in the face more than the previews for Son of the Mask did. This supposedly was made possible because of the two Garfield movies. I checked, the first one of the those made almost two hundred million dollars globally. I think I just died a little more on the inside.
They're remaking Knight Rider! God damn it, and, Ben Affleck is going to be the voice of KITT? Sorry, but I think even that is beyond his abilities as an actor.
A sitcom is starting in the fall called Area 57 which is a sitcom about an alien. *Cough* Alf *Cough* Oh and to make things worse it stares Peter Reubens so they can diagonally tarnish any lasting memories of Pee Wee's playhouse. Also, The Bionic Woman.
They're making a Care bears movie. That's it. Wait, something worse, they're making Cloudy with a chance of meatballs into a movie...why, why, why have you forsaken me?
Goodbye childhood memories!
If a cgi-zombified Mr Rogers starts dancing with a vacuum cleaner in a TV ad, I'm gonna loose it!
The leggings. At least I should have been worried about the leggings. I suppose the 80s have been 'coming back' for a while but lately it's just seemed like total colonialization.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Bois and Grrls, gentle ladies, ladymen, and so forth, it seems as if popular culture, as one massive lugubrious creation, is attempting to poison my entire childhood.
Okay, they came at the turtles. They had already ruined the Saturday morning cartoons (and it seems like Saturday morning cartoons died just after I outgrew them...I mean, you seen the crap on there now? Travesty!) then they decide to do a movie. Now, they didn't try to make them super hip or anything but there's POD and Gym Class heroes on the soundtrack, I mean, come on! The other slight infraction - Sarah Michelle Gellar was the voice of April O'Neil...not funny guys, why don't you just make her blond?
[I get a little defensive when it comes to April O'Neil because, like the metal bikini wearing Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi, she is a strong fixture in the fantasies of many young nerdy people. You know why you never asked why a reporter would be wearing a skin tight banana suit? Because you liked it.]
Okay, then there's Transformers. I can't even watch it, I can't see my beloved robots turned into a Michael Bay directed car commercial, can't do it. And really, it could never compete with the 1986 original. The animated movie was epic..when Optimus Prime got wasted I wanted to cry. And not only that but they killed half or more of the transformers, because they weren't afraid, they didn't need no sap or stupid bush jokes either. [note: By killing off most of the characters they were planning to introduce all new ones which would mean new toys, so marketing never ceases I guess.]
Badass A #1
And the villain...Unicron. Hell you thought the Death Star was scary? This was a giant planet sized destruction machine that had a big laser but, on top of that, it was alive and would eat your planet. It wouldn't blow it up surgically but ram right into you and eat your continents, drink up your rivers and nibble on your equator while laughing. And if he got really pissed off he'd turn into a robot three times as big and beat your homeworld senseless with his bare hands. And, the pièce de résistance - his voice was supplied by Orson Welles. Plus 80s hair metal solos, you can't beat it.
Suddenly, I've run out of energy with these last few ones. All I can say is that the world doesn't really need these:
Why lord?
Can you hear the chipmunk rap? Can ya?
Hey guys! Dog is god backwards! LOL!
Underdog? That preview made me want to punch myself in the face more than the previews for Son of the Mask did. This supposedly was made possible because of the two Garfield movies. I checked, the first one of the those made almost two hundred million dollars globally. I think I just died a little more on the inside.
They're remaking Knight Rider! God damn it, and, Ben Affleck is going to be the voice of KITT? Sorry, but I think even that is beyond his abilities as an actor.
A sitcom is starting in the fall called Area 57 which is a sitcom about an alien. *Cough* Alf *Cough* Oh and to make things worse it stares Peter Reubens so they can diagonally tarnish any lasting memories of Pee Wee's playhouse. Also, The Bionic Woman.
They're making a Care bears movie. That's it. Wait, something worse, they're making Cloudy with a chance of meatballs into a movie...why, why, why have you forsaken me?
Goodbye childhood memories!
If a cgi-zombified Mr Rogers starts dancing with a vacuum cleaner in a TV ad, I'm gonna loose it!