DC Chronicles Part III
Ok, so since I really talk to none of you guys over the phone anymore (blame exhaustion and sickness on my end) I’ll relay some of the crazy shit that’s been happening lately.
A few weeks ago we had these mid semester reviews, and my friend Ken and I got out fairly early and decided to go get some food and a book. Hey, some people like porn or booze (or both) but I like books. So…we start walking to the places (because we walk EVERYWHERE) and all the sudden I see this sign that says: ‘jasmine therapy”. I didn’t know what that meant, and something about the place didn’t feel right, so of course what did I do: I went inside. The door opened into a hallway, which then led to a sitting-room type place. The whole time I kept thinking “doctor’s office….”-but apparently not. There was a door in this “doctor’s office” that was locked with a doorbell outside. I rang the bell and an Asian lady came out. I asked her what this place was, and she said it was a massage parlor. At that point I bolted the fuck outside, because I knew exactly what that place was. So now, when I fill out those stupid ‘have you ever’ forms and the question about the whorehouse comes up, yes, I can say that I have now been to a whorehouse (although thank god not to partake in the ‘goods’). Now, you might be asking where Ken was at this point. Ken, the bastard, knew the whole time that this place was a whorehouse. He just wanted to see the look on my face and my reaction when I figured it out. He was tipped off primarily by the strip club right next door that I somehow missed. Yeah, Ken is a dick. That’s why we get along so well.
Things here are massively different than the valley and in a whole lot of different ways than I expected. I mean, I knew it was going to be culture shock on a massive level, but I wasn’t really prepared for it. People here are very….different. It is rude in DC to not invite people to go everywhere with you, where in Texas it’s common. If you happen to meet someone you barely know here, they expect you to invite them wherever you’re going. No ifs ands or buts, really. Just things like that-differences that are really minor in operation, but major in attitude and how people perceive you. I can’t wear my sarcastic t-shirts here at all, because people just don’t roll that way. It pisses people off, sometimes badly. The one thing about DC that is awesome is the polarization of people, how active they get and how much they care. And believe me, image is everything in this city. More than ANYTHING ELSE.
I have a confession to make: I have an uncanny knack to find the most racist cab drivers in existence. And if they’re not racists, they’re weirdos. Like the time that we were really drunk coming home in a cab-the driver was checking out two people in the backseat that were making out. I won’t mention any names, but they know who they were. I thought it was pretty funny at the time, of course, I was massively drunk, and so that could be why. But I have had cab drivers tell me everything from “How dare the illegals (Mexicans) take everything that we have in this country” to “There is a difference in porch niggers and field niggers”. I’m telling you, what about me makes people think that they can be racist weirdos around me? It was CRAZY. And the thing about it is, there is not a single white cab driver in all of DC. The one talking about the n-word was from Pakistan. The peeping tom was from India. The other one….god knows where he was from, but he only had one eye and scared the crap out of me.
I had the craziest metro experience ever last Friday. I was going home from Virginia where I was babysitting (not a fucking word about that by the way) and I was wearing work clothes. Work clothes consist of the following: a nicely pressed suit, dress shirt, undershirt and a tie. Well, these two guys got on the metro-typical punks. They were wearing torn clothes, their boots were slashed, spiked hair…you know. Well, they were insanely drunk, past the point of “no return”. The big guy was just kinda standing there, looking like a dumb post, but the skinny guy was all over the place. He kept hitting things with his fist while the post told him to cut it out before they went to jail. Well, eventually the little guy started getting cocky and hit the big guy (post). Post just basically looked at him and the little guy got all weepy and emotional, and they had a hug and a kiss. Don’t even ask. But that’s not the crazy part. The little guy then starts hitting shit again, and this time he broke two big metro windows. I was sitting right next to these windows, by the way. I leaped up, and told the little guy to sit down, he could have my seat, but to CALM DOWN. Well, he didn’t like that, and took a swing at me. I avoided it (he was drunk) and he hit the metro map that is on the train behind glass, breaking that too. At this point the train got to the station, and I ran off and got security. The three of us were detained for a bit, and the punks started saying that I ‘instigated’ them to break this stuff. The cops took one look at my clothes, their clothes, and sent me on my way. Like I said, in this town, image is everything. HA!
Classes here are also way different than anything I ever had in Texas. I have 3 professors, and they are all strange in their own little ways (one of them is not just a little strange). He is a very very smart guy, but also kinda kooky. For Valentine’s Day, he wrote his wife a 12-page love poem and tucked it under her pillow. Sweet, except for the fact that I think he started talking about random stuff in the middle. At least, that’s what he told us about it. He always manages to alienate the class into sides, and has some interesting ideas on how things are. I’ll have to tell you guys all about it, you’ll get a kick out of it. He makes us read journal entries that we write for his class, and he made me read yesterday. I didn’t really want to, except that he made me. I didn’t want to share those thoughts with the class, so I made up something on the spot. It sounded horrible, and I think it was obvious I made it up-but there was no way I was repeating my REAL entry for the class. I didn’t mean to write it in the first place, and it was WAY too personal for me to even begin to share with some Archers. There are some things I wrote that most people (if anyone) reading this journal knows-so that was not going to work. I used a lot of profanity and stuff, so hopefully people dismissed a lot of it. It’s sad but true; profanity is just not an effective way to get ideas out. Oh well, what the hell.
I had lunch with this previous intern today, and I have to share something she said. I wasn’t enjoying the lunch, but this made me laugh. At the table there are four of us: myself, a black lady, a Puerto-rican lady, and this Hispanic lady. Diverse isn’t it? So, the Hispanic lady was talking about how she HAS to get tanned, because fat looks so much better tanned than not. Now, she is quite white, and she says that she can tan but that’s not what made it funny. The black lady that was there is a bit….heavy. She and I just glance at each other, and burst out laughing. This Hispanic lady (who is a TWIG) honestly expects that to fly? I mean seriously, she can’t weigh more than 90 lbs. And she’s worried about fat? She tried to cover by saying that it looks bad when she shakes salt and her whole arm jiggles. But apparently that looks better tanned than white because that is the effect that she is going for. And she refused to back down about it either, saying that it must be an “arizona thing”. Guess where she’s from? She tried to get me to back her up, but she doesn’t know how many fat, tanned people I know, so that was no help. Really, the whole thing was hilarious.
I’ve been watching a lot of anime lately, living in the house is really starting to get to me. I have issues with being social, and I think my housemates have noticed ;) So yeah, lots of anime for Kevin. I watched all of the ‘Full Metal Panic’ series, and really enjoyed it. It was incredibly awkward, in a school rumble kind of way. Ouch. By the way, I recently paid for a NarutoFan Manga membership because I needed some manga bad, so if anyone wants anything that they offer, take a look and let me know. I have it for the next three months. They have everything from naruto to school rumble to full metal alchemist. Give it a look, maybe you’ll find something.
Well, anyways, that’s enough of me talking. I miss you guys, I’ll be back in like 7 weeks, so look for me then. I want to go to the island and do something when I get home, so maybe we could all do that?? Let me know how all of you are, you bums! Take care!
P.S. I got my new camera! Pictures of Archer Fellows, my house, and DC in general are coming! If you don’t care then disregard this.
A few weeks ago we had these mid semester reviews, and my friend Ken and I got out fairly early and decided to go get some food and a book. Hey, some people like porn or booze (or both) but I like books. So…we start walking to the places (because we walk EVERYWHERE) and all the sudden I see this sign that says: ‘jasmine therapy”. I didn’t know what that meant, and something about the place didn’t feel right, so of course what did I do: I went inside. The door opened into a hallway, which then led to a sitting-room type place. The whole time I kept thinking “doctor’s office….”-but apparently not. There was a door in this “doctor’s office” that was locked with a doorbell outside. I rang the bell and an Asian lady came out. I asked her what this place was, and she said it was a massage parlor. At that point I bolted the fuck outside, because I knew exactly what that place was. So now, when I fill out those stupid ‘have you ever’ forms and the question about the whorehouse comes up, yes, I can say that I have now been to a whorehouse (although thank god not to partake in the ‘goods’). Now, you might be asking where Ken was at this point. Ken, the bastard, knew the whole time that this place was a whorehouse. He just wanted to see the look on my face and my reaction when I figured it out. He was tipped off primarily by the strip club right next door that I somehow missed. Yeah, Ken is a dick. That’s why we get along so well.
Things here are massively different than the valley and in a whole lot of different ways than I expected. I mean, I knew it was going to be culture shock on a massive level, but I wasn’t really prepared for it. People here are very….different. It is rude in DC to not invite people to go everywhere with you, where in Texas it’s common. If you happen to meet someone you barely know here, they expect you to invite them wherever you’re going. No ifs ands or buts, really. Just things like that-differences that are really minor in operation, but major in attitude and how people perceive you. I can’t wear my sarcastic t-shirts here at all, because people just don’t roll that way. It pisses people off, sometimes badly. The one thing about DC that is awesome is the polarization of people, how active they get and how much they care. And believe me, image is everything in this city. More than ANYTHING ELSE.
I have a confession to make: I have an uncanny knack to find the most racist cab drivers in existence. And if they’re not racists, they’re weirdos. Like the time that we were really drunk coming home in a cab-the driver was checking out two people in the backseat that were making out. I won’t mention any names, but they know who they were. I thought it was pretty funny at the time, of course, I was massively drunk, and so that could be why. But I have had cab drivers tell me everything from “How dare the illegals (Mexicans) take everything that we have in this country” to “There is a difference in porch niggers and field niggers”. I’m telling you, what about me makes people think that they can be racist weirdos around me? It was CRAZY. And the thing about it is, there is not a single white cab driver in all of DC. The one talking about the n-word was from Pakistan. The peeping tom was from India. The other one….god knows where he was from, but he only had one eye and scared the crap out of me.
I had the craziest metro experience ever last Friday. I was going home from Virginia where I was babysitting (not a fucking word about that by the way) and I was wearing work clothes. Work clothes consist of the following: a nicely pressed suit, dress shirt, undershirt and a tie. Well, these two guys got on the metro-typical punks. They were wearing torn clothes, their boots were slashed, spiked hair…you know. Well, they were insanely drunk, past the point of “no return”. The big guy was just kinda standing there, looking like a dumb post, but the skinny guy was all over the place. He kept hitting things with his fist while the post told him to cut it out before they went to jail. Well, eventually the little guy started getting cocky and hit the big guy (post). Post just basically looked at him and the little guy got all weepy and emotional, and they had a hug and a kiss. Don’t even ask. But that’s not the crazy part. The little guy then starts hitting shit again, and this time he broke two big metro windows. I was sitting right next to these windows, by the way. I leaped up, and told the little guy to sit down, he could have my seat, but to CALM DOWN. Well, he didn’t like that, and took a swing at me. I avoided it (he was drunk) and he hit the metro map that is on the train behind glass, breaking that too. At this point the train got to the station, and I ran off and got security. The three of us were detained for a bit, and the punks started saying that I ‘instigated’ them to break this stuff. The cops took one look at my clothes, their clothes, and sent me on my way. Like I said, in this town, image is everything. HA!
Classes here are also way different than anything I ever had in Texas. I have 3 professors, and they are all strange in their own little ways (one of them is not just a little strange). He is a very very smart guy, but also kinda kooky. For Valentine’s Day, he wrote his wife a 12-page love poem and tucked it under her pillow. Sweet, except for the fact that I think he started talking about random stuff in the middle. At least, that’s what he told us about it. He always manages to alienate the class into sides, and has some interesting ideas on how things are. I’ll have to tell you guys all about it, you’ll get a kick out of it. He makes us read journal entries that we write for his class, and he made me read yesterday. I didn’t really want to, except that he made me. I didn’t want to share those thoughts with the class, so I made up something on the spot. It sounded horrible, and I think it was obvious I made it up-but there was no way I was repeating my REAL entry for the class. I didn’t mean to write it in the first place, and it was WAY too personal for me to even begin to share with some Archers. There are some things I wrote that most people (if anyone) reading this journal knows-so that was not going to work. I used a lot of profanity and stuff, so hopefully people dismissed a lot of it. It’s sad but true; profanity is just not an effective way to get ideas out. Oh well, what the hell.
I had lunch with this previous intern today, and I have to share something she said. I wasn’t enjoying the lunch, but this made me laugh. At the table there are four of us: myself, a black lady, a Puerto-rican lady, and this Hispanic lady. Diverse isn’t it? So, the Hispanic lady was talking about how she HAS to get tanned, because fat looks so much better tanned than not. Now, she is quite white, and she says that she can tan but that’s not what made it funny. The black lady that was there is a bit….heavy. She and I just glance at each other, and burst out laughing. This Hispanic lady (who is a TWIG) honestly expects that to fly? I mean seriously, she can’t weigh more than 90 lbs. And she’s worried about fat? She tried to cover by saying that it looks bad when she shakes salt and her whole arm jiggles. But apparently that looks better tanned than white because that is the effect that she is going for. And she refused to back down about it either, saying that it must be an “arizona thing”. Guess where she’s from? She tried to get me to back her up, but she doesn’t know how many fat, tanned people I know, so that was no help. Really, the whole thing was hilarious.
I’ve been watching a lot of anime lately, living in the house is really starting to get to me. I have issues with being social, and I think my housemates have noticed ;) So yeah, lots of anime for Kevin. I watched all of the ‘Full Metal Panic’ series, and really enjoyed it. It was incredibly awkward, in a school rumble kind of way. Ouch. By the way, I recently paid for a NarutoFan Manga membership because I needed some manga bad, so if anyone wants anything that they offer, take a look and let me know. I have it for the next three months. They have everything from naruto to school rumble to full metal alchemist. Give it a look, maybe you’ll find something.
Well, anyways, that’s enough of me talking. I miss you guys, I’ll be back in like 7 weeks, so look for me then. I want to go to the island and do something when I get home, so maybe we could all do that?? Let me know how all of you are, you bums! Take care!
P.S. I got my new camera! Pictures of Archer Fellows, my house, and DC in general are coming! If you don’t care then disregard this.