thoughts..
i don't post in this thing anymore. and i don't respond to a lot of entries. just ones i like. and when i do respond, i don't get a response to that. i guess that's okay, but i feel no interaction whatsoever on this site anymore. and i'm hoping you guys still care to respond and talk on here... anyways, this was written in wordpad and i copy and pasted it. let me know what you think, i suppose.
today was a very boring day. i woke up around 9:30, but not by choice. i was hoping to sleep in for as long as i possibly could. to no prevail, i got up and walked slowly around my house.
i wondered what today might bring. maybe something will happen on it's on. maybe i won't have to go looking to find something interesting to do.
candace is in orange county til tomorrow and during the morning, i felt my usual self at a loss without her. it wasn't that bad this time though. it felt more like a general realization. i'm okay though. usually when she leaves for a weekend, i become a wreck from the start. i feel alright this time though. and i hope it will last til tuesday, when i get to see her again. our anniversary is on monday. don't get too excited, it's just another one of the "month" anniversaries we count. :) i know, we're a couple of saps.
but it's been 10 months on monday. 10 absolutely wonderful and magical months, mind you. she told me early this morning on the phone: "tell me something.. doesn't have to be very specific, but i'm hoping for something positive."
and my response was something to the effect of: "well.. i was thinking about us. and about monday. and if, worst case scenario, something awful were to happen in january (our 1 year anniversary) i would just think like.. if someone were to ask me in the future about relationships. or my last relationship. i would tell them it lasted a year. and it was in fact my longest relationship. but more than that, it was amazing. for a solid year, it was magic. an entire year filled to the brim with love, affection and respect. a year of my life i could never forget, and would never forget. unconditional love being pushed together and it only took us 5 months to become very very close. and through the course of the other 7, we grew to be inseperable..."
i continued on that subject, and made my point more understanding. and i could hear her on the phone get very choked up, and at a loss of words. and i really wasn't going for that. on a given time i can think of something and say it, knowing it's going to have an impact on her, and she may have no words, or even cry in response to the things i've said. but not this time. this time i was just talking. and i'd been thinking about that for quite some time now.
i hope we make it to a year, and far longer than that. i see no reason to ever break up with her.. and i hope, and know it in my gut she feels the same.
sometimes when i'm out with friends, or alone.. i examine the people. well.. that's not true. i examine the people around me EVERYTIME i step out of my front door and drive out of my neighborhood. but i do this, and i see people alone.. or with their friends. and i see couples. and they are the ones i pay most attention to. you can guess why. and i just watch their movements, their habits, and try to listen to their words to each other. it has an impact on my life, because it makes me happy. it makes me think of my relationship, of course.. and something makes me want to watch more. i think god gave me good vision for a reason. because i see more the average person anyways.. so at least give me good eyes to better my chances of seeing something extraordinary.
i have to get to sleep in like an hour, cause i have to get up for work tomorrow. hopefully i have a good day. and hopefully you do too.
goodnight
-Derek
today was a very boring day. i woke up around 9:30, but not by choice. i was hoping to sleep in for as long as i possibly could. to no prevail, i got up and walked slowly around my house.
i wondered what today might bring. maybe something will happen on it's on. maybe i won't have to go looking to find something interesting to do.
candace is in orange county til tomorrow and during the morning, i felt my usual self at a loss without her. it wasn't that bad this time though. it felt more like a general realization. i'm okay though. usually when she leaves for a weekend, i become a wreck from the start. i feel alright this time though. and i hope it will last til tuesday, when i get to see her again. our anniversary is on monday. don't get too excited, it's just another one of the "month" anniversaries we count. :) i know, we're a couple of saps.
but it's been 10 months on monday. 10 absolutely wonderful and magical months, mind you. she told me early this morning on the phone: "tell me something.. doesn't have to be very specific, but i'm hoping for something positive."
and my response was something to the effect of: "well.. i was thinking about us. and about monday. and if, worst case scenario, something awful were to happen in january (our 1 year anniversary) i would just think like.. if someone were to ask me in the future about relationships. or my last relationship. i would tell them it lasted a year. and it was in fact my longest relationship. but more than that, it was amazing. for a solid year, it was magic. an entire year filled to the brim with love, affection and respect. a year of my life i could never forget, and would never forget. unconditional love being pushed together and it only took us 5 months to become very very close. and through the course of the other 7, we grew to be inseperable..."
i continued on that subject, and made my point more understanding. and i could hear her on the phone get very choked up, and at a loss of words. and i really wasn't going for that. on a given time i can think of something and say it, knowing it's going to have an impact on her, and she may have no words, or even cry in response to the things i've said. but not this time. this time i was just talking. and i'd been thinking about that for quite some time now.
i hope we make it to a year, and far longer than that. i see no reason to ever break up with her.. and i hope, and know it in my gut she feels the same.
sometimes when i'm out with friends, or alone.. i examine the people. well.. that's not true. i examine the people around me EVERYTIME i step out of my front door and drive out of my neighborhood. but i do this, and i see people alone.. or with their friends. and i see couples. and they are the ones i pay most attention to. you can guess why. and i just watch their movements, their habits, and try to listen to their words to each other. it has an impact on my life, because it makes me happy. it makes me think of my relationship, of course.. and something makes me want to watch more. i think god gave me good vision for a reason. because i see more the average person anyways.. so at least give me good eyes to better my chances of seeing something extraordinary.
i have to get to sleep in like an hour, cause i have to get up for work tomorrow. hopefully i have a good day. and hopefully you do too.
goodnight
-Derek