senior year here we come
YAY! I GOT MY INTERNET BACK!! wow. i would go crazy without the internet. hell, i went crazy after the first day. i never realized how much my life centers on the use of the internet. what i do when im bored is stuff on the internet. e-mail, looking up lots and lots of answers to so many questions i find throughout the day, overall entertainment. and with out that, i can't function. its really bad. like i was seriously going crazy yesterday, i was so bored that i just kept running around the house trying to figure out something to do when finally i just decided to sleep. (this was around 8...entirely to early) so now that its back, i feel much better (which is still really bad)
but anyway. god there's so much to say. i just don't know how to say it. nor would it do any good to bitch and whine. its like i can see all of my life just kinda fading away, and im just slowly disappearing. i have spread myself so far around that some of my old friends are slowly forgetting me. and im not talking about emily and ali. im talking about johnny, danny, and all of the friends i made through them, i just feel like they're all slipping away. along with my closest friends. i feel that loss the most. and i just feel like everyone is moving on while im stuck behind. in the waiting line. its like when you're at a theme park. and you're in line for a roller coaster with your friends. and it gets up to you guys, and the guy running the ride stops the people right at you. while all of your friends run ahead to get the best seat on the ride. and you're stuck. waiting in line. i mean im not saying that i have horrible friends. i just don't think they realize it. and true, i may be stretching a bit, considering, some of my friends are still really close to me.
i may have been blinded before. when we were all getting along, having the time of our lives, hanging out together. i dont think it was ever reality. but i liked it there. when we didnt get grounded. when we hardly got in trouble. when we didn't have boyfriends. (except for beth) and im not necessarily saying that all of these things are bad. they're just changes. (as dori and probably the rest of you have heard many a times, I HATE CHANGE) but i guess i've kinda come to the reality that you can't fight change. and of course i've always known this. but now im just kinda letting it happen. and although it makes me sad to see these things happening, my distance growing more and more from my best friend, i have to let go. it has to happen in order to grow. if change never happened we could never grow. and maybe its just our time to grow, i just wish things would change a little differently.
and of course i still have my own boyfriend. whom i know cares about me and i him. but i guess i just kinda miss my friends. the way it used to be. i may not have had a real, and true friendship, but i liked that one better. whatever. im just basically preparing myself. to move on. STOP WORRYING!!!! seriously. IM TURNING INTO MY F-ING MOTHER!!! I CAN NOT WORRY BECAUSE I CAN NOT BECOME MY MOTHER!! I WONT therefore i will stop worrying right...... NOW. haha. ruuuight. like that would actually work. so as you're reading this (or not reading it and skimming to the bottom as i draw things to a close) i will tell you to find people that you really care about. and you will know which ones are the ones that care about you. and i advise you to turn to them. and talk to them about the things that matter most to you. and tell them, (just in case they forget) how much they mean to you and how much you care about them. and even through the fights and arguments, see that its because they care.
so here comes my thanks to all of you who have changed my life in such a way that i can't possibly make it up to you (although i will try) dori, you are so important to me. you're my adivsor, my insight. and everything i learn about life and what to do about my (little, pathetic, miniscule, (totally emo)) life, i learn from you. and gretchen, man do you and beth teach me so much. im not joking. i never even thought about the world and how precious it is until you guys. you taught me that the earth is something that i should appreciate everyday. and elaine, you were always the one who would be blunt and tell me, not what i particularly wanted to hear, but what i needed to hear, the deep truths hidden in the world that i miss so much. you taught me alot about myself and how to manage....myself :) emily. you were the one who taught me so much about friendship. and i know that may surprise you, but its true. you were always keeping me on track. making sure that i didn't fall into that same hole that i was in freshman year. you reached out to me when i was the new girl at holy trinity, and because of the friendship we have had these like 4 years, i've grown so much. you've even come right out and shown me how to be a good friend and i want to just thank you so much for that. even though we don't hang out as much anymore, i still consider you to be one of the closest friends i have and i think that we have both just changed so much. and i know that its partly because of what i've learned from you. i've learned how to put myself out there, try new things, experience life and to not hold back. to make life fun. you are the most fun-loving person i know and i just want to thank you so much for all that you've done for me, and all that you have taught me. and i knw that ali doesn't have a live journal, so i can just keep the things i would like to say to her in my head, for another time. so thank you so much guys, for being there for me, not letting me fall onto the wrong path, for making high school for me so wonderful so far. and i hope that our senior year can be the best year for all of us, and that we can continue to grow as individuals, and grow as wonderful, close friends. your friends are the ones that ultimately shape you into the woman you will become, and i honestly can not think of anyone better than the friends i have. i love you guys
-lauren
but anyway. god there's so much to say. i just don't know how to say it. nor would it do any good to bitch and whine. its like i can see all of my life just kinda fading away, and im just slowly disappearing. i have spread myself so far around that some of my old friends are slowly forgetting me. and im not talking about emily and ali. im talking about johnny, danny, and all of the friends i made through them, i just feel like they're all slipping away. along with my closest friends. i feel that loss the most. and i just feel like everyone is moving on while im stuck behind. in the waiting line. its like when you're at a theme park. and you're in line for a roller coaster with your friends. and it gets up to you guys, and the guy running the ride stops the people right at you. while all of your friends run ahead to get the best seat on the ride. and you're stuck. waiting in line. i mean im not saying that i have horrible friends. i just don't think they realize it. and true, i may be stretching a bit, considering, some of my friends are still really close to me.
i may have been blinded before. when we were all getting along, having the time of our lives, hanging out together. i dont think it was ever reality. but i liked it there. when we didnt get grounded. when we hardly got in trouble. when we didn't have boyfriends. (except for beth) and im not necessarily saying that all of these things are bad. they're just changes. (as dori and probably the rest of you have heard many a times, I HATE CHANGE) but i guess i've kinda come to the reality that you can't fight change. and of course i've always known this. but now im just kinda letting it happen. and although it makes me sad to see these things happening, my distance growing more and more from my best friend, i have to let go. it has to happen in order to grow. if change never happened we could never grow. and maybe its just our time to grow, i just wish things would change a little differently.
and of course i still have my own boyfriend. whom i know cares about me and i him. but i guess i just kinda miss my friends. the way it used to be. i may not have had a real, and true friendship, but i liked that one better. whatever. im just basically preparing myself. to move on. STOP WORRYING!!!! seriously. IM TURNING INTO MY F-ING MOTHER!!! I CAN NOT WORRY BECAUSE I CAN NOT BECOME MY MOTHER!! I WONT therefore i will stop worrying right...... NOW. haha. ruuuight. like that would actually work. so as you're reading this (or not reading it and skimming to the bottom as i draw things to a close) i will tell you to find people that you really care about. and you will know which ones are the ones that care about you. and i advise you to turn to them. and talk to them about the things that matter most to you. and tell them, (just in case they forget) how much they mean to you and how much you care about them. and even through the fights and arguments, see that its because they care.
so here comes my thanks to all of you who have changed my life in such a way that i can't possibly make it up to you (although i will try) dori, you are so important to me. you're my adivsor, my insight. and everything i learn about life and what to do about my (little, pathetic, miniscule, (totally emo)) life, i learn from you. and gretchen, man do you and beth teach me so much. im not joking. i never even thought about the world and how precious it is until you guys. you taught me that the earth is something that i should appreciate everyday. and elaine, you were always the one who would be blunt and tell me, not what i particularly wanted to hear, but what i needed to hear, the deep truths hidden in the world that i miss so much. you taught me alot about myself and how to manage....myself :) emily. you were the one who taught me so much about friendship. and i know that may surprise you, but its true. you were always keeping me on track. making sure that i didn't fall into that same hole that i was in freshman year. you reached out to me when i was the new girl at holy trinity, and because of the friendship we have had these like 4 years, i've grown so much. you've even come right out and shown me how to be a good friend and i want to just thank you so much for that. even though we don't hang out as much anymore, i still consider you to be one of the closest friends i have and i think that we have both just changed so much. and i know that its partly because of what i've learned from you. i've learned how to put myself out there, try new things, experience life and to not hold back. to make life fun. you are the most fun-loving person i know and i just want to thank you so much for all that you've done for me, and all that you have taught me. and i knw that ali doesn't have a live journal, so i can just keep the things i would like to say to her in my head, for another time. so thank you so much guys, for being there for me, not letting me fall onto the wrong path, for making high school for me so wonderful so far. and i hope that our senior year can be the best year for all of us, and that we can continue to grow as individuals, and grow as wonderful, close friends. your friends are the ones that ultimately shape you into the woman you will become, and i honestly can not think of anyone better than the friends i have. i love you guys
-lauren